Selamat Hari Merdeka, Malaysia!

Just about 2 weeks before, I was approached by Ps Lee Choo and was asked to say a prayer at the pulpit during one of the church services during the merdeka weekend. Not only that, she also encouraged me to find a team to lead the Praise and Worship session during the Merdeka prayer night, which was supposed to be on from 10pm to 2am. Honestly, I was very, very reluctant to say 'yes, I'll do it.' to Ps LC on the spot and I told her that I will think about it.
I kept prolonging my respond to her for days... I even almost ignored her SMSes when she reminded me of these 2 things. Thankfully, Colin's been a great encouragement to me, time and time again. He reminded me that I was showing the 'signs of Moses', somewhat. It made me realise that I was trying to cook up 1001 excuses claiming that I am not eloquent to do any of these. Remember that I have an issue with stage fright? That's only one of it. I also fear what people would think of me. What if nothing comes out from my mouth when I am up at the pulpit? O Lord, please send someone else to do it!! (so familiar.. wahaha..)

¹¹ The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? ¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." - Exodus 4:10-12

Reading the verses in Exodus really gave me a push to stay obedient. I finally tapped an SMS to Ps LC and agreed to do both. Amazing that it was not long ago that I mentioned about allowing God to chisel me out of my comfort zone.

Honestly, I struggled when I was preparing myself as the day drew closer. Finally, the day came and I was called to pray during the 8.30am service. I woke up early dawn and kept praying and one thing that I said to God again and again was that I want to be humble. Let everything be about Him and nothing about me. I knew how pride would naturally take over me. Let this not be a performance, this is not a performance!
Really, I thank God that I was given the privilege to pray for the nation at the pulpit. I personally felt ministered to and I knew that the prayers I made were for me too.

P&W on Merdeka eve was amazing too. I really thank GOD for the support given by my cell and zone members in uniting together to serve the Lord in singing Him the praises and worship that he deserves. I was personally very excited in my spirit throughout the day that I couldn't fall asleep! *LoL*
Anyway, this song came about at the very last minute when Ps Lee Choo had the prompting to get the congregation to sing it to end the prayer session. For a moment there I thought I couldn't remember how to sing it but surprisingly, I was able to remember a large portion of the song lyrically! I guess thanks to the times when I used to hear it on local TV on RTM channel when I was very little, especially when I was waiting for Mighty Mouse or Superdave to come on TV. Before last night, I could only remember it as a familiar tune and words that never really meant anything to me, possibly because I was too young (or too ignorant, rather.) to understand it. I never actually caught what the song was about until that night!
The song has been stuck in my head for a few days already...

Puji and syukur pada Ilahi (Praise and thanks be to God)
Anugerah-Nya tiada terhingga (His favour is unending)
Kedamaian, kemakmuran (Peace, Prosperity)
Malaysiaku bahagia (My Malaysia is blessed)

Dengan tekad untuk berjaya (With determination to succeed)
Berbakti pada nusa dan bangsa (To serve our homeland and nation)
Kami junjung cita-cita luhur (We uphold the noble aspirations)
Perpaduan seluruh negeri (Unity throughout the states)

Seia, sekata, sehati, sejiwa (One mind, one voice, one heart, one soul)
Menghadapi cabaran (In facing challenges)
Kami setia, kami sedia (We are loyal, we are ready)
Berkorban untuk negara (To sacrifice for our country)

Bersemarak Malaysia tercinta (Shine, beloved Malaysia)
Kibarkan panji kebesarannya (Lift up her banner of grandeur)
Kami rela menjaga nama mu (We are willing to honour your name)
Sejahtera Malaysia (Peace be unto Malaysia)

The flag bearers for the 11.00am service.
I held the Melaka state flag

⁴ In that day you will say:

"Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.

⁵ Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things;
let this be known to all the world.

⁶ Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,
for great is the Holy One of Israel among you."

Happy 52nd Independence Day, MALAYSIA... Tanah tumpahnya darah-ku...

I LOVE my COUNTRY, do you?

God's Chisel

An email I sent to my cell members recently....

Hey Friends!

Warning: A very loooooong email. Read it when you are really really free.. or if you cannot finish it at one go, take a toilet break, go have a cuppa in between while you read this....

I wonder how's everyone's Saturday afternoon so far. How was cell meet for those who were there last night? Though it was a small group, but still, I hope you're equally blessed as I am (or more). This probably sounds strange but here I am feeling that I wanna let out some 'verbal diarrhoea' which I wasn't able to express out much during last night's cell meet, as those of you who were there, knew that I wasn't feeling very well. Nonetheless, just want to say a big THANK YOU to those who were there for the support and prayers to sustain me through facilitating 'Word' time. Just to share a GOOD GOOD news, I am feeling a LOT more better today! I hardly coughed! YES! Do NOT short change the power of prayer because it takes only a small mustard seed of faith for God to MOVE mountains! And anyone can have the gift of healing, if only you believe!

Anyway, for the benefit of those who were not there last night, we watched a short skit called "God's Chisel"

Yes, it is a message about God chiseling away the unwanted things in our lives. it could have been pride, anger, comparing to others instead of God, lust, pretending to be busy etc.. These flaws in us could have been stuck on us for so long and yet we do not realise it. Just want to say many thanks to all of you openly shared about your experiences, be it past or present, about how God has pruned you out of being your old self, to who you are today. Also, to those who openly acknowledge that we need to change, although it is hard. You guys are awesome, and I love your transparency because it makes me feel a lot better knowing that I am as sinful as you are but we are here to encourage one another to grow out of our hindrances in allowing God to chisel us to who He desires for us to become ==> more like HIS SON.

Just to recap on my testimony for those who were not there, I shared that I used to be a very performance-driven person. Ever since I was young, I have been a stage-person. I used dance, sing, go for story-telling competitions etc a lot.. so yeah, I grew up in an environment where I liked to be noticed and self-image is very important to me. I always wanted to win and I wanted to be excellent in everything I do so that I could sustain the confidence that the people around me have in me. I loves the trophies that I have won and I enjoyed counting them every end of the year during the prize-giving ceremony in school. Yes, I was one of the popular stage girl in school.

After coming out of primary school, I moved away from KL and went up to Penang. When I was in Penang, I felt that I lost a big part of my life. In this little island, no one knew who I am, no one knew that I was a performer etc. I was a nobody. I kept a very low profile. Until 2 years later, I felt that I missed the stage, I decided to participate in a choral speaking competition. During the day of the competition, I felt lots of butterflies in my stomach and I felt very nervous, to the extent that I actually threw up before the competition. I was once the President of the Interact Club, I went up the stage to deliver a speech, I couldn't stop shaking. Many at the at the floor noticed. Through these incidents, I felt that I lost my confidence in myself. I wasn't who I was anymore. I lost my confidence in speaking in public and my desires of being in the limelight just faded away.
Looking back at these experiences, I felt that God was really chiseling me out of many things. He was chiseling me away from being a people-pleaser. He was also chiseling me away from being self-dependent, always thinking that, "it is I who can do it!" He was chiseling me away from being a 'performer'. He knew I was desiring so much to gain the approval of men.

I am not saying that He has finished His works in me. Until today, I believe He is still moulding me and pruning me in my character. In His own way, He is showing me that it is not by my own strength or capabilities that I could do certain things, He was showing me that I needed Him. He had to gently push me out of my insecurities and thoughts of inadequacy to show that His love has no boundaries. He has placed me in places to serve where I felt not too comfortable in (eg. back in Australia, I used to serve in the Worship Ministry). As much as I felt that I didn't want to be 'up there', He placed me 'up there' because in this relationship that we have with Him, HE HOLDS US UP, whenever we fall. And I can testify that. I believe it is the same in many parts of your lives too. In all honesty, yes, it takes a lot of courage for me to come back again, to serve, even to facilitate "Word" time. As mentioned, I fear being in front of a crowd when all eyes are on me. So yes, again, thank you for your support and prayers. I know it probably wasn't the 'best' that I could have done, but you know what, God is not looking for someone who is willing to perform, but He is looking for someone who's wiling to avail themselves, even if it has to take us out of our comfort zone. I really wanna applaud Jonathan for availing himself 2 weeks ago to serve together with me as my faithful guitarist during worship time. Really, like I said, it is not about playing the right keys or sounding great, but just wanna assure you that you were AWESOME that night. I know full well that God is pleased that you are worshipping Him with your Gifts despite your tiredness in preparing for your KK trip, you still came to serve. I wished I said it last night, so that we could applaud you again, but aiya, forgive me for not remembering, so, FRIENDS, let's REPLY to a VIRTUAL applause to JON, ok?? :) *CLAP CLAP CLAP* Looking forward to serving with you more, brother!

I really liked what Colin shared last night, when he said that God is changing us and it is for our benefit, and it is something that will last through eternity (ok la, something like what you said, can't remember the exact words!). Looking back at the trophies that I have won (haha, can check it out at my family hall..), These trophies are just plastic stuff which does not have much substance or use to it. When I leave this world, I can't carry these trophies with me. Through this, I realise one thing, one thing that I am bringing along with me when I meet my Father in Heaven, is ME. I am HIS TROPHY that will last till ETERNITY. I am WORTH IT because I AM HIS MASTERPIECE. I am His PRIZED-POSSESSION.

James 1:18 (NLT) says: "He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession...

Wow, do you get that? Not just me, but you too, are someone’s prized possession! Not just someone’s prized possession; but God Almighty’s prized possession!

Really, why do we have to go through all these painful, chiseling moments in our walk with God, just like how it says in the skit, the moment you said that you want to receive Him as your Lord and Saviour, He never promised that it was going to be easy. But one thing I believe is that, it is worth it. God doesn't create junk. He creates something that he can be PROUD of. When He created you, he said that you are GOOD. The Message Bible says “…showing us off as the crown…” WOW. He wants to chisel you to be more like His son, Jesus Christ, so that he can show us off!How cooool is that?

4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) 6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. 7 So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. - Ephesians 2:4-7 (NLT)

Yes, let us not be picky in how he can shape us. Be open with what He wants to chisel off in you so that you can become is everlasting masterpiece. So yeah, let's do this together as a cell. By His grace, we can be changed!

So, the same question I asked the cell last night,

What is it that God is chiseling away in you right now, and how are you responding to it?

Have a think about it Friends..
Hope you are blessed..... told you it was verbal diarhhoea... (a good one, i hope!) HAHA...

And bless you, fellow blogger reader :)

Heart of Gold

Heart of Gold,
How are you today?
It's been a while since you decided to stay
Are you feeling cold?
I wish your feelings would be told
It's okay if you want to go away
I will give you breathing space
To find yourself a hiding place
Till the end of the day
I just want you to know
You are in my thoughts whenever I pray
So if you don't mind,
Can I ask again,
Heart of Gold,
How are you today?

...Safe from the crazy world...

Note: this post was written through a series of time. I just never got around to finishing it till today. heh.

Not too long ago.... (more like a month ago..)

What a strange experience. With the H1N1 flu going around, I was just thnking, what are the chances of it affecting me in any way at all. Papa and mummy did not feel too well (down with fever) after their flight back from Manila so they went for a check-up.
Mum was tested negative on the flu but Pa was tested positive.

I was in the office, and I received a call in the office from the Ministry of Health Dept, and was instructed to leave the office immediately. For a moment there, the little naughty me exclaimed a silent "woohoo~~!!" in my heart =P The whole family had to be quarantined for 7 days. So yeah, I was isolated from being in contact with the outside world for a while.

Some of my friends / colleagues were envious by the thought of being quarantined, thinking that wow, working in the comfort of your own home is a gem! I thought so too, but it didn't take me long to realise that being 'imprisoned' at home is not all that fun after all. I felt that it was pretty bad timing altogether. I missed Lorraine's housewarming cum farewell party (for Joanne, who left for Singapore for a teaching course... and probably will not return any time soon since her other half is permanently settled there. heh.). I really wished I could be there. I even complained to God asking Him why does it have to happen at such a time as this. I felt agitated quite a lot. I felt abandoned. I kept craving for human attention. Yes, I confess that I am a whiner.

At the back of my mind, I felt like beating myself up for having these selfish thoughts in my mind. During one of the evenings when I was sitting outside the porch with Axel (my dog), then it hit me, my heart quietly spoke to me... slowly.. gently.. confessing -- "I miss God." I struggled in seeing the bigger picture, I forgot about asking God why do I have to go through this and what can I learn out of this. Tears welled up my eyes. I don't know how it happened. I guess it's been too long. God missed me too. I had to be plucked away from this crazy routine life that I was going through. Especially with the new job on my plate, the new cell... I just got too caught up. I always prayed asking God for what's instore, how can I change myself to be an impact to others, what can I do to please Him, etc. I got too caught up with striving for being excellent in the doing bit. It seems like I am one of those in the CROWD who wants to do SOMETHING for God, but am not one of those FEW who are willing to just stay behind and do NOTHING with Him. I know, sounds paradoxical, ain't it? He just wanted me. I had to be taken away.... safe from the crazy world, to be with Him.

Often enough, I just forget how big my God is and I run around with what I call the “Martha Syndrome” trying to make everything just right when all I needed to do is just Trust in the LORD with all heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). I was reminded, again that Jesus told us to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to us (Matthew 6:33) That’s what Mary did. She sought Jesus first. Perhaps this can be called the “Mary Solution.”

It's been almost more than a month since then, I'm still going on with my roller coaster ride with God. I know He's really moulding my character in all corners and angles.... gently rebuking my flaws. So many dreams and desires that I really want to see happening, but really, all it takes from the start is to just sit at His feet to enjoy His presence. How can we give when we are not filled?

Father God, I am sorry. And I am running back to you. There's no where better than the warmth of your embrace now. That's where I want to be... safe from a crazy world.

Hey you.

Yeah, you. Reading the blog now.
Wow, it's been almost 3 months since the last one. Seriously, I didn't think anyone would drop by anymore. Anyway, thanks for the shoutouts in the cbox, you two "jie-meis". Feel kinda guilty because I have been dropping by your blogs and really always am blessed and inspired by your posts and I'm being a little selfish not posting anything up lately. Sorry! Looked through my list of drafted posts which I never finished. I think it's a little too late to put it up already. Looks like I have learned to move on. :) I will write some time soon. So really, thanks for faithfully dropping by.
It's a little late on my side and I need that quiet time with God now.

Be patient with me and thanks for caring (yes, i think you care because you still drop by. =D).

Update on me..

Currently trying really... really hard to study but I can't seem to get my "engine" to cooperate with me.
Not a big fan of law subjects at all, studying cases of the past honestly, bores me :(

Anyway, besides studies and all, there are certain promises in store coming along the way for me.
Pray for me for this Wednesday, for those who knows what's going on..... Hope it'll be another promise fulfilled. Will share more of it later on when I know the end news of it.
Also, this weekend, Friends cell will be heading up to Cameron Highlands for our cell retreat. It will be our last gathering together as Friends cell as we officiate the multiplication this time round.
I am really waiting for exciting times this weekend.
My prayer is that it will not be just another ordinary retreat, but it will be one where we'll be retreating together with God and really seeking His purpose and will for us as a multiplied cell.

Let's press for a goal and wait in expectation as the Lord speaks into our spirits!

I'm back again..

It's been tough hanging on with the work pressure and I am glad that I am off for the whole month right now for my study break. Yep, exam's in a month's time. It seems like not too long ago that I mentioned about exams, eh? Never really liked the pressure of exams. I actually do lose my appetite when I get too worked up about not feeling prepared for something. Well, sounds more like I don't like pressure at all! Bah. Who does?

Anyway, that aside, a lot has happened in one go. FRIENDS (yep, that's my cell name) cell has just multiplied on the first week of April. Colin and I are anchoring the new cell together with our cell leader, May Lee. Looking back at how things just fell into place, makes me wanna really stand in awe in the awesomeness of our God. I remember how much I was anticipating on the wait, wondering how things would work out looking at the circumstance, I guess He's proved me wrong again and again in how I perceive Him . We've been praying together even for this new cell, as we sense that God is really going to do great things in us. He laid this parable in Mark 4 in my spirit even as I prayed on...

³"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. ⁸Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times."⁹Then Jesus said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

WoW. What mind boggling words! Really, even as we are just at the tip of the iceberg of growing together as a cell, I really believe that we should not take our "beginnings" lightly. Being a part of the CORE team, my prayer is that the Lord will really work in me inside-out to be that seed that falls in good soil! I really do not want just a temporal emotional rah-rahs, crying bags of tears then carry with me an unwilling heart dragging my feet towards His purpose. I know that's one massive struggling that I am facing even at this point. But really thank God for His endless Grace over my attitude. I can sense greatly that God is opening up doors and opportunities for me to work towards having more time to serve in church. I am claiming this in Jesus' Name and I really believe that this is going to be great testimony to share when it happens!

We have yet to have a name for the new cell.... so, temporarily, we are called "FRIENDS 2". *LoL* we so....need a new name!! The CORE team's been praying for a name, hopefully as we come together as a cell, we'll agree on something that's in line with God's, really really soon! =D


Lord, I am waiting at Your feet.....


PS: HaHA... Charis, it seems like you're my driving motivation to keep posting. Creates that "guilt" in me for not posting whenever you drop cbox messages... teeheee... Be EMPOWERED in the OC this year, babe! =)