...Safe from the crazy world...

Note: this post was written through a series of time. I just never got around to finishing it till today. heh.

Not too long ago.... (more like a month ago..)

What a strange experience. With the H1N1 flu going around, I was just thnking, what are the chances of it affecting me in any way at all. Papa and mummy did not feel too well (down with fever) after their flight back from Manila so they went for a check-up.
Mum was tested negative on the flu but Pa was tested positive.

I was in the office, and I received a call in the office from the Ministry of Health Dept, and was instructed to leave the office immediately. For a moment there, the little naughty me exclaimed a silent "woohoo~~!!" in my heart =P The whole family had to be quarantined for 7 days. So yeah, I was isolated from being in contact with the outside world for a while.

Some of my friends / colleagues were envious by the thought of being quarantined, thinking that wow, working in the comfort of your own home is a gem! I thought so too, but it didn't take me long to realise that being 'imprisoned' at home is not all that fun after all. I felt that it was pretty bad timing altogether. I missed Lorraine's housewarming cum farewell party (for Joanne, who left for Singapore for a teaching course... and probably will not return any time soon since her other half is permanently settled there. heh.). I really wished I could be there. I even complained to God asking Him why does it have to happen at such a time as this. I felt agitated quite a lot. I felt abandoned. I kept craving for human attention. Yes, I confess that I am a whiner.

At the back of my mind, I felt like beating myself up for having these selfish thoughts in my mind. During one of the evenings when I was sitting outside the porch with Axel (my dog), then it hit me, my heart quietly spoke to me... slowly.. gently.. confessing -- "I miss God." I struggled in seeing the bigger picture, I forgot about asking God why do I have to go through this and what can I learn out of this. Tears welled up my eyes. I don't know how it happened. I guess it's been too long. God missed me too. I had to be plucked away from this crazy routine life that I was going through. Especially with the new job on my plate, the new cell... I just got too caught up. I always prayed asking God for what's instore, how can I change myself to be an impact to others, what can I do to please Him, etc. I got too caught up with striving for being excellent in the doing bit. It seems like I am one of those in the CROWD who wants to do SOMETHING for God, but am not one of those FEW who are willing to just stay behind and do NOTHING with Him. I know, sounds paradoxical, ain't it? He just wanted me. I had to be taken away.... safe from the crazy world, to be with Him.

Often enough, I just forget how big my God is and I run around with what I call the “Martha Syndrome” trying to make everything just right when all I needed to do is just Trust in the LORD with all heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). I was reminded, again that Jesus told us to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to us (Matthew 6:33) That’s what Mary did. She sought Jesus first. Perhaps this can be called the “Mary Solution.”

It's been almost more than a month since then, I'm still going on with my roller coaster ride with God. I know He's really moulding my character in all corners and angles.... gently rebuking my flaws. So many dreams and desires that I really want to see happening, but really, all it takes from the start is to just sit at His feet to enjoy His presence. How can we give when we are not filled?

Father God, I am sorry. And I am running back to you. There's no where better than the warmth of your embrace now. That's where I want to be... safe from a crazy world.