Post Easter, just had a little thought to ponder after hearing much from our missionary who shared with us last night at prayer meeting about what God is doing in Tibet. Truly the resurrection of Jesus does not end at when He is risen.. the story continues with the followers.
Had a personal revelation when I found this in one of my old notebooks....way before "Draw Something" was invented, we once had an icebreaker in a meeting and did something similar..... We were asked to draw "SIBKL", and I came up with this >>
Had another "wow" moment with God again, when I looked at this piece of "art", and I somehow had a personal revelation recently when the phrase, "Ass I be" appeared in my thoughts! BWAHAHAHA... xD I know it sounds quite silly but hey, it made a lot of sense to me!
Jesus could have chosen to ride on a white stallion with stature but when He entered Jerusalem, He used an ASS instead! (Matthew 21). I believe that reflects upon the meaning that asses were something lesser people rode, while horses were reserved for the rich. And Jesus can use an ass and it depicts His humbleness as being just like one of us or even lesser.
Jesus wants to enter your city, your workplace, your family. And He chooses to use you as a means of getting there. “How can he use me?” you ask. “I’m nothing but an ass."
If Jesus can use an ass, He can use you too! And the acronym of SIBKL represents a bunch of ASSES who can be used by Jesus....
I sensed in my spirit, together with some of us with similar "tuggings" that we should continue to seek God and really carry on with the attitude of worship within us. It's really amazing when you know that God is speaking to us when people around you catch similar sensing through different means -- dreams, songs, the Word.
Last night in cell meeting, we had a deep time of reflection through sharing testimonies, extended time of praise and worship, communion and prayer. Over the past weeks, it has been physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually draining for me. Even as I attempted to prepare myself for cell meeting this week, I felt challenged and I couldn't concentrate....perhaps overwhelmed by an ordeal that I was struggling through. There were nights where I was so drained that I just lazed on the sofa, stare at the TV watching American Idol, I didn't feel like doing anything.
One night during that quiet moment with God, a passage came to mind.
Didn't think much of it. Wrote it in my journal. Not sure what God was impressing in my heart.
Recently, the ordeal that I was going through, it took its toll and "erupted". My ignorance suddenly woke up, realising that my actions crushed a person.
When I finally came to terms with this, when I looked to the person in the eye, I saw hurt, brokenness. I suddenly had a God-moment, the passages that God gave me came hitting me in the face.
"44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. 45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”
~Luke 7:44-47
I recalled a revelation that I had from a book that I read some time back about this passage.
...her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”
When Jesus came to Simon, who was apparently the host, treated Jesus like an "unwanted" guest, in today's context, he didn't "open the door for him, shake his hand" - meaning...he had no manners.
However, the woman, so lowly who didn't even deserve to be named, unkindly only known as the "sinful" woman, did all that Simon didn't. She came thirsty and hungry. Thirsty for guilt, hungry for regret.
Simon, didn't even know whether he is thirsty or hungry. He doesn't even asks for grace. He's too proud but instead take on the grace and dissects it intellectually, debate on it etc.
The sinful woman, experienced an immeasurable extent of forgiveness, she knew what love really meant. And because of this, she couldn't stop tasting Jesus' love and love is filled into her "love tank".
Simon, didn't ask or desired for grace nor forgiveness, he doesn't even know the existence of a love tank. His love tank was "empty".
I sensed a question came to me, "How's your love tank?"
Then I felt in my heart an impression came and told me, "You are like Simon."
I almost couldn't hold back my tears. I was crushed that I didn't realise how far I have gone from his love. My love tank has gone unattended and rusty. My actions reflected it all.
"While she had ample love to give, he had no love to offer."
I couldn't give real love. I felt like Judas giving Jesus' a kiss.
I could probably speak eloquently about God's love, go to church, pray, worship God... but I couldn't embrace it and I had none to give. And the emptiness of lack of love showed in my actions.
I remembered some time back, I was challenged to do this.
Try paraphrase 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 by replacing the word "Love" with my name and recite it out loud.(Try it.... see how far can you go.)
"Miranda is patient, Miranda is kind. Miranda does not envy, Miranda does not boast, Miranda is not proud....."
Wooah.. wooah... hold up there.... I couldn't even recite half of it when I attempted to do it during the time of reflection in cell meet this week. I realised that I was none of these. I would be the biggest liar if I dare say these. Most of the time, we say it so conveniently. We take it so lightly. We take it for granted that by our own strength, we will never be able to become any of these.
Only one person who ever walked the face of the earth could. JESUS.
And if we read the same passage by replacing the word LOVE with JESUS......
"Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind. Jesus does not envy, Jesus does not boast, Jesus is not proud. Jesus is not rude, Jesus is not self-seeking, Jesus is not easily angered, Jesus keeps no record of wrongs. Jesus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Jesus always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails."
We know he meets it all.
Rather than reminding ourselves that we cannot produce such love, let's remind us of the love that we cannot resist! God's love.
"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." ~ 1 John 4:9-10
I don't know about you, I was disappointed by what had happened to me this week. But for me right now, I want to be the sinful woman. I want to be called the sinful woman without a name.
I need to taste the forgiveness of God, so that I can learn how to love once again....
We need to receive HIS LOVE in order to GIVE LOVE. Because we cannot give what we do not have. Embrace how much He loves you so that you know how to love the unlovable, those who have hurt you, disappoint you, betrayed you, crushed you.
Question. Once again, how's your love tank?
...Half-full?
...A quarter full?
...Almost empty?
...Leaking?
...Damaged?
Luke 7:47 ~ It reflects Jesus' wings of love in the form a 747 aircraft. Let his love lift you up the the next level. Let his love set you free through forgiveness.
Come thirsty and hungry this season of Easter, taste his love once again... fill up your "love tank" with the love from the one and only who can satisfy....
Preparing bible discussion for the season of lent has been pretty reflective for me this season. Just last Friday in cellgroup, we shared about living a life that counts for God, and also finishing the race well. Reading through the passages on Mark 15:16-39, as I pondered upon what verses stood out to me, there were a few. However, two distinctively stayed imprinted in my mind until today. And they were passages that mentioned about "The Crucifixion".
First observation..
(v21) "Then they compelled a certain man, Simon a Cyrenian, the father of Alexander and Rufus, as he was coming out of the country and passing by, to bear His cross."
I thought of this question...
"Why of all people among the crowd, Simon of Cyrene was selected to carry the cross?" I did some research and came across these findings....
The word compelled was actually of the same word used in Matthew 5:41, that says, "And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two", and it refers to the Romans who had the authority to order any Jew to perform any activity in the service of Caesar, and the Latin word comes from the literal meaning of the Persian word is to be “pressed into the service of a king” . Guess what, he actually was serving a king! He probably had not realised yet, is that the king that he was "compelled" to serve that day was not the king of Rome, but the king of Israel, JESUS! Imagine the shame of having to walk right behind a condemned man, bearing the burden of what he may think that wasn't his, obligated to carry the cross with a journey which felt like as long as walking through a desert without water.
As he journey through, I believe Simon would have gradually realise that the man he had walked behind, was actually his saviour who had borne his transgressions. On that very important day, it was Simon's first meeting with his Saviour, as he looked at the eyes of Christ, the thing that would have impressed Simon is that he didn’t see the eyes of a guilty man, nor an angry man, nor a defeated man. I would have imagined what he saw was the look of determined man who wanted to go to Golgotha, a man who wanted Simon to bear the cross and help him to that destiny, a man who wanted to go there, and I thought I should emphasise (v23) ....they gave Him wine mingled with myrrh to drink, but He did not take it..."after tasting it and knowing that it was to numb his pain, he chose to endure EVERY SIN that hurts to the deepest part of his skin and bones. And maybe, when he got there Jesus might have uttered quiet ‘thank you Simon’ as the burden was lifted off Simon.
Remember the passage it says that Simon was coming out of the countryside into the city of Jerusalem, and Jesus was being brought out Jerusalem.... these two men were travelling in opposite directions on that day. Notice a symbolic act that took place, Simon was called to serve the king of kings, he had to "turn around" and as you can see, he started walking towards the opposite direction, "the way of Jesus". His life was completely turned around by this meeting of the crucified Christ! His steps now follows Christ!
Isn't this amazing?? What about you? Do you know that we are all called to be the "Simon of Cyrenes" of today? Through the sacrifice of our Lord, we have experienced the love of Jesus, Just like the depiction of a mother giving birth to a child (quote: Amanda, "pop~!" xD) , she would refuse the epidural, Jesus refused the wine with myrrh, Jesus ran his race well, he did not give up nor take the "short cut" and he endured all the way. If God had called you this day, to "take up your cross and follow me", would you do it?
I found this sharing online written on someone's blog about "The Cyrene Privilege: Being Simon".. as promised here's the excerpt of the poem..
....Loud and spitting people, Cruel and frightful looking soldiers, 'Swish', the cane, time and time again! Pandemonium, dust, anger, smell of blood.
Beaten man, battered man! Heavy cross;They must really hate this guy. I'll really hate to be him right now All around; curses, stones, laughter, mockery. What could he have really done to deserve all this?
Holy-looking pharisees, Frightful looking followers; Crying women... this is crazy !
I should be on my way... WHAT!? Me ? Take the cross ? Help him ? Why me ? Oh no!? I was just passing, just watching ?! I am out of luck!
This is really heavy! What could he have done to deserve this ? How could he have anymore energy to lift this after all this beating and maiming? Look at him - By God and the prophets, what has he done? Don't these people have pity?
Will I be able ? This Cross is weighing me down! I didn't bargain for this. Its not mine to carry. This is killing me---all for someone I barely know.
This man... look at him...scarred, bloodied, hurt! But the peace in his eyes, the humility in his step, the meekness in his pain, the determination in his countenance. He really believes he is up to something groundbreaking here. This Jesus must be made out of stone!. Why is he doing this ? Why not just denounce and go his way ? Why will he endure all this ? And go through all this ? Didnt I hear Pilate gave him a way out ?
He must really believe what he is doing. He must really love his followers... He must really really be committed to his cause and His Father. I guess helping him out is not that bad after all. I suppose I can carry for a few metres , what he has carried a whole long way! I think I can help this man, even if I was only forced to do it. I think I will bear the weight, only if to give him some temporal respite.
I think I can do it.
I think i can; I know I should; Its the right thing to do ...
I always wondered what Simon of Cyrene thought when he was ordered to help Jesus carry his cross unto Calvary. I was gonna preach on this but i really cannot do it justice ...not at this time. So I just put down some disjoint thoughts.
History and the Bible don't give enough information about him for us to know if he was or wasn't a follower of Christ. Either way, he secures a very enviable place in my heart, as being the one man to have helped Jesus on his way to save me. I cant expound anymore on this but just say that, whatever his intentions were, and however it came to be that he was asked to help the King of Kings - It was a privilege no one else in the world would ever have again!
I would have loved to be Simon of Cyrene... I don't know about you. But to carry the cross, endure the whip, the scorching sun, the dust, the dirt, the stones, and the curses. I would have loved - if only for a short way off - to have helped my Saviour, as he toiled to save me. I would have loved to be Simon of Cyrene, even if i didn't intend on being him from the start.
Maybe Simon didn't know the 'why', but I do. Maybe Simon didn't want to try, but I would. Maybe Simon wasn't sure of it all , but I am.
I would have loved to help my Saviour, my redeemer, my king. I would have been scared, but I would have loved to try...show him, how much he meant to me. Such that if carrying that cross was all I could do , I would have carried it like a king carried a crown.
But wait! I think I still can! I can still carry my cross - And be Simon in my own way...my own very small way. I can bear the cross of the world, love my enemies, endure scorn for righteousness. I think I still can stand for the right, and say no to wrong, and go against the tide. I think I still can love my neighbour, help the needy, forgive my wrongdoers. I think I can still carry the cross and follow my Jesus . I might not be Simon, but I think I can still try to help Jesus , My Lord.
'Cos I know He did it for no one else but me. 'Cos I know the blood,the sweat, the tears....were shed for me. 'Cos I know he deserved it not, but bore it all. And 'cos I know it was gonna be alright, come Easter Sunday.
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Let's prepare our hearts during this season of lent and spend some time to reflect on Jesus and his love for us in our lives....
I feel so liberated. I can't think of a better word to describe how I feel..
Take my life. What I once have I count it all as loss..
It's all just light with you in my life...
TAKE MY LIFE...
"Take my life & let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee Take my moments & my days Let them flow in ceaseless praise Take my hands & let them move At the impulse of Thy love Take my feet & let them be swift & beautiful for Thee
Take my voice & let me sing always, only, for my King Take my lips & let them be filled with messages from Thee Take my silver & my gold, not a mite would I withhold Take my intellect & use every power as You choose
Here am I All of me Take my life It is all for Thee
Take my will & make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine Take my heart, it´s Thine own, it shall be Thy royal throne Take my love, my Lord, I pour at your feet its treasure store Take myself & I´ll be ever, only, all for Thee
Take my life & let it be Consecrated, Lord, to Thee"
Warning: A very loooooong email. Read it when you are really really free.. or if you cannot finish it at one go, take a toilet break, go have a cuppa in between while you read this....
I wonder how's everyone's Saturday afternoon so far. How was cell meet for those who were there last night? Though it was a small group, but still, I hope you're equally blessed as I am (or more). This probably sounds strange but here I am feeling that I wanna let out some 'verbal diarrhoea' which I wasn't able to express out much during last night's cell meet, as those of you who were there, knew that I wasn't feeling very well. Nonetheless, just want to say a big THANK YOU to those who were there for the support and prayers to sustain me through facilitating 'Word' time. Just to share a GOOD GOOD news, I am feeling a LOT more better today! I hardly coughed! YES! Do NOT short change the power of prayer because it takes only a small mustard seed of faith for God to MOVE mountains! And anyone can have the gift of healing, if only you believe!
Anyway, for the benefit of those who were not there last night, we watched a short skit called "God's Chisel"
Yes, it is a message about God chiseling away the unwanted things in our lives. it could have been pride, anger, comparing to others instead of God, lust, pretending to be busy etc.. These flaws in us could have been stuck on us for so long and yet we do not realise it. Just want to say many thanks to all of you openly shared about your experiences, be it past or present, about how God has pruned you out of being your old self, to who you are today. Also, to those who openly acknowledge that we need to change, although it is hard. You guys are awesome, and I love your transparency because it makes me feel a lot better knowing that I am as sinful as you are but we are here to encourage one another to grow out of our hindrances in allowing God to chisel us to who He desires for us to become ==> more like HIS SON.
Just to recap on my testimony for those who were not there, I shared that I used to be a very performance-driven person. Ever since I was young, I have been a stage-person. I used dance, sing, go for story-telling competitions etc a lot.. so yeah, I grew up in an environment where I liked to be noticed and self-image is very important to me. I always wanted to win and I wanted to be excellent in everything I do so that I could sustain the confidence that the people around me have in me. I loves the trophies that I have won and I enjoyed counting them every end of the year during the prize-giving ceremony in school. Yes, I was one of the popular stage girl in school.
After coming out of primary school, I moved away from KL and went up to Penang. When I was in Penang, I felt that I lost a big part of my life. In this little island, no one knew who I am, no one knew that I was a performer etc. I was a nobody. I kept a very low profile. Until 2 years later, I felt that I missed the stage, I decided to participate in a choral speaking competition. During the day of the competition, I felt lots of butterflies in my stomach and I felt very nervous, to the extent that I actually threw up before the competition. I was once the President of the Interact Club, I went up the stage to deliver a speech, I couldn't stop shaking. Many at the at the floor noticed. Through these incidents, I felt that I lost my confidence in myself. I wasn't who I was anymore. I lost my confidence in speaking in public and my desires of being in the limelight just faded away. Looking back at these experiences, I felt that God was really chiseling me out of many things. He was chiseling me away from being a people-pleaser. He was also chiseling me away from being self-dependent, always thinking that, "it is I who can do it!" He was chiseling me away from being a 'performer'. He knew I was desiring so much to gain the approval of men.
I am not saying that He has finished His works in me. Until today, I believe He is still moulding me and pruning me in my character. In His own way, He is showing me that it is not by my own strength or capabilities that I could do certain things, He was showing me that I needed Him. He had to gently push me out of my insecurities and thoughts of inadequacy to show that His love has no boundaries. He has placed me in places to serve where I felt not too comfortable in (eg. back in Australia, I used to serve in the Worship Ministry). As much as I felt that I didn't want to be 'up there', He placed me 'up there' because in this relationship that we have with Him, HE HOLDS US UP, whenever we fall. And I can testify that. I believe it is the same in many parts of your lives too. In all honesty, yes, it takes a lot of courage for me to come back again, to serve, even to facilitate "Word" time. As mentioned, I fear being in front of a crowd when all eyes are on me. So yes, again, thank you for your support and prayers. I know it probably wasn't the 'best' that I could have done, but you know what, God is not looking for someone who is willing to perform, but He is looking for someone who's wiling to avail themselves, even if it has to take us out of our comfort zone. I really wanna applaud Jonathan for availing himself 2 weeks ago to serve together with me as my faithful guitarist during worship time. Really, like I said, it is not about playing the right keys or sounding great, but just wanna assure you that you were AWESOME that night. I know full well that God is pleased that you are worshipping Him with your Gifts despite your tiredness in preparing for your KK trip, you still came to serve. I wished I said it last night, so that we could applaud you again, but aiya, forgive me for not remembering, so, FRIENDS, let's REPLY to a VIRTUAL applause to JON, ok?? :) *CLAP CLAP CLAP* Looking forward to serving with you more, brother!
I really liked what Colin shared last night, when he said that God is changing us and it is for our benefit, and it is something that will last through eternity (ok la, something like what you said, can't remember the exact words!). Looking back at the trophies that I have won (haha, can check it out at my family hall..), These trophies are just plastic stuff which does not have much substance or use to it. When I leave this world, I can't carry these trophies with me. Through this, I realise one thing, one thing that I am bringing along with me when I meet my Father in Heaven, is ME. I am HIS TROPHY that will last till ETERNITY. I am WORTH IT because I AM HIS MASTERPIECE. I am His PRIZED-POSSESSION.
James 1:18 (NLT) says: "He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession...
Wow, do you get that? Not just me, but you too, are someone’s prized possession! Not just someone’s prized possession; but God Almighty’s prized possession!
Really, why do we have to go through all these painful, chiseling moments in our walk with God, just like how it says in the skit, the moment you said that you want to receive Him as your Lord and Saviour, He never promised that it was going to be easy. But one thing I believe is that, it is worth it. God doesn't create junk. He creates something that he can be PROUD of. When He created you, he said that you are GOOD. The Message Bible says “…showing us off as the crown…” WOW. He wants to chisel you to be more like His son, Jesus Christ, so that he can show us off!How cooool is that?
4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) 6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. 7 So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. - Ephesians 2:4-7 (NLT)
Yes, let us not be picky in how he can shape us. Be open with what He wants to chisel off in you so that you can become is everlasting masterpiece. So yeah, let's do this together as a cell. By His grace, we can be changed!
So, the same question I asked the cell last night,
What is it that God is chiseling away in you right now, and how are you responding to it?
Have a think about it Friends.. Hope you are blessed..... told you it was verbal diarhhoea... (a good one, i hope!) HAHA...
Note: this post was written through a series of time. I just never got around to finishing it till today. heh.
Not too long ago.... (more like a month ago..)
What a strange experience. With the H1N1 flu going around, I was just thnking, what are the chances of it affecting me in any way at all. Papa and mummy did not feel too well (down with fever) after their flight back from Manila so they went for a check-up. Mum was tested negative on the flu but Pa was tested positive.
I was in the office, and I received a call in the office from the Ministry of Health Dept, and was instructed to leave the office immediately. For a moment there, the little naughty me exclaimed a silent "woohoo~~!!" in my heart =P The whole family had to be quarantined for 7 days. So yeah, I was isolated from being in contact with the outside world for a while.
Some of my friends / colleagues were envious by the thought of being quarantined, thinking that wow, working in the comfort of your own home is a gem! I thought so too, but it didn't take me long to realise that being 'imprisoned' at home is not all that fun after all. I felt that it was pretty bad timing altogether. I missed Lorraine's housewarming cum farewell party (for Joanne, who left for Singapore for a teaching course... and probably will not return any time soon since her other half is permanently settled there. heh.). I really wished I could be there. I even complained to God asking Him why does it have to happen at such a time as this. I felt agitated quite a lot. I felt abandoned. I kept craving for human attention. Yes, I confess that I am a whiner.
At the back of my mind, I felt like beating myself up for having these selfish thoughts in my mind. During one of the evenings when I was sitting outside the porch with Axel (my dog), then it hit me, my heart quietly spoke to me... slowly.. gently.. confessing -- "I miss God." I struggled in seeing the bigger picture, I forgot about asking God why do I have to go through this and what can I learn out of this. Tears welled up my eyes. I don't know how it happened. I guess it's been too long. God missed me too. I had to be plucked away from this crazy routine life that I was going through. Especially with the new job on my plate, the new cell... I just got too caught up. I always prayed asking God for what's instore, how can I change myself to be an impact to others, what can I do to please Him, etc. I got too caught up with striving for being excellent in the doing bit. It seems like I am one of those in the CROWD who wants to do SOMETHING for God, but am not one of those FEW who are willing to just stay behind and do NOTHING with Him. I know, sounds paradoxical, ain't it? He just wanted me. I had to be taken away.... safe from the crazy world, to be with Him.
Often enough, I just forget how big my God is and I run around with what I call the “Martha Syndrome” trying to make everything just right when all I needed to do is just Trust in the LORD with all heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). I was reminded, again that Jesus told us to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to us (Matthew 6:33) That’s what Mary did. She sought Jesus first. Perhaps this can be called the “Mary Solution.”
It's been almost more than a month since then, I'm still going on with my roller coaster ride with God. I know He's really moulding my character in all corners and angles.... gently rebuking my flaws. So many dreams and desires that I really want to see happening, but really, all it takes from the start is to just sit at His feet to enjoy His presence. How can we give when we are not filled?
Father God, I am sorry. And I am running back to you. There's no where better than the warmth of your embrace now. That's where I want to be... safe from a crazy world.
It's been tough hanging on with the work pressure and I am glad that I am off for the whole month right now for my study break. Yep, exam's in a month's time. It seems like not too long ago that I mentioned about exams, eh? Never really liked the pressure of exams. I actually do lose my appetite when I get too worked up about not feeling prepared for something. Well, sounds more like I don't like pressure at all! Bah. Who does?
Anyway, that aside, a lot has happened in one go. FRIENDS (yep, that's my cell name) cell has just multiplied on the first week of April. Colin and I are anchoring the new cell together with our cell leader, May Lee. Looking back at how things just fell into place, makes me wanna really stand in awe in the awesomeness of our God. I remember how much I was anticipating on the wait, wondering how things would work out looking at the circumstance, I guess He's proved me wrong again and again in how I perceive Him . We've been praying together even for this new cell, as we sense that God is really going to do great things in us. He laid this parable in Mark 4 in my spirit even as I prayed on...
3"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times."9Then Jesus said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
WoW. What mind boggling words! Really, even as we are just at the tip of the iceberg of growing together as a cell, I really believe that we should not take our "beginnings" lightly. Being a part of the CORE team, my prayer is that the Lord will really work in me inside-out to be that seed that falls in good soil! I really do not want just a temporal emotional rah-rahs, crying bags of tears then carry with me an unwilling heart dragging my feet towards His purpose. I know that's one massive struggling that I am facing even at this point. But really thank God for His endless Grace over my attitude. I can sense greatly that God is opening up doors and opportunities for me to work towards having more time to serve in church. I am claiming this in Jesus' Name and I really believe that this is going to be great testimony to share when it happens!
We have yet to have a name for the new cell.... so, temporarily, we are called "FRIENDS 2". *LoL* we so....need a new name!! The CORE team's been praying for a name, hopefully as we come together as a cell, we'll agree on something that's in line with God's, really really soon! =D
Lord, I am waiting at Your feet.....
PS: HaHA... Charis, it seems like you're my driving motivation to keep posting. Creates that "guilt" in me for not posting whenever you drop cbox messages... teeheee... Be EMPOWERED in the OC this year, babe! =)
PS: Don't know why, but the fonts just come out funny... Can't resize the fonts properly and I am just too much of a noob with HTML errors to get it fixed!! HAHA... Don't mind the weirdly-sized fonts, ya??? :P
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I'm currently on my study break since Thursday this week till the end of the month. What a relief from the days of working late and meeting deadlines. To be honest, I never thought that I'd be revisiting the times when I had to slog under lecture notes and saying 'hello' to mixed emotions of walking into the exam halls again. I remember the times back in my Uni days when I came to a conclusion that I am not cut out for dealing with numbers. I wanted out from Accounting. I was close to throwing in the towel. It's funny how things never quite turn out the way I thought it would be. Here I am, working in one of the top business services firm in the world, pursuing my CPA professional qualification.
Yes, there were occasional moments when I still ask myself why did I choose to contradict my words but as strange at it may sound, I have witnessed in so many ways how my decisions and crossroads have been guided by God, even way before I even knew who He really is in my life! Hence this brought me to believe that there's ought to be a reason why I have this paper qualification in my hands. It cannot be an accident. I have gone through a period of seeking and praying for my career path.I never quite like the idea of facing choices, which often makes me wonder about the analogy of God giving us "free-will" to choose. Knowing that God is one who's omniscient, if God knows what we are going to choose in the future, then do we really have free-will in the first place? Does that puzzle you? Being a thinker, it took me quite a while but I have came to realise that it seems that God knowing what we are going to do does not mean that we can't do something else. It simply means that God knows what we have chosen to do ahead of time. Our freedom is not restricted by God's foreknowledge but is simply just realised ahead of time by God. Due to the fact that it is His nature to know all things, His knowlwdge is necessarily complete and exhaustive, and because of that, He has ordained history to come to the conclusion that He wishes, incorporating our choices into His divine plan.
So, yeah... my decision is to give it a go. I chose to challenge myself to do something I think I cannot do. That's when my faith and dependency on Him is really put to test. God has impressed certain things in my heart about reaching out in the corporate marketplace. I don't really know where to begin with but I am entrusting this decision into His hands. No doubt that He has already written the whole story in His plan and wow, I thought it's quite exciting to think in a way that I get to "co-write" this story with Him because I participated in the decision-making part. *LoL* Does that make any sense to you? :P
Just a few days ago, I was contemplating whether I should attend a post-assignment dinner with my workmates because it's on a Friday, which means I gotta forgo being at cellgroup. My decision -- I joined the dinner. Last Sunday, I remember picking up a few brochures of the stage drama that's coming up next week at church. I handed out a few to my colleagues at the dinner and I sure hope that they will choose to come to hear the underlying message shared in the drama.
So this is one of the free-will moments I went through... I could have been at cellgroup fellowshipping with my cellmates and also feed myself with the Word, as always. But this time, I felt that desiring to walk my talk about sharing His love, I thought I should go beyond by stepping across the bridge and reaching at the other side. It is about bringing His love outside of church walls! Having a hearty meal with my colleagues sure will be even tastier and worth it!
So... here's an ad that I 'stole' from church's website about the drama:
"Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
Performed by : Footstool Players Date: 18 October 2008, Saturday Time: 5.00-7.30pm Venue: SIBKL, Main Auditorium
About the stage play....
The old song says that "love is a many- splendoured thing", but reality tells us that "love" can be bittersweet.
For its 2008/2009 season, Footstool Players is proud to present Crazy Little Thing Called Love: poignant portraits of the ties that bind – and sometimes knot – in a collection of sketches pertaining to the themes of love, courtship, marriage and family relationships.
The play features a mix of comedy and drama, but all thought-provoking in some way in highlighting issues pertaining to relationships. There's innocence, idealism, joy, humour, reassurance, hope, regret, heartbreak, sorrow, and more – everything that comes with that "crazy little thing called love"!
You'll laugh, you'll weep. But most importantly, you'll also think – and perhaps also discover.
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I should be in bed now... I need motivation to pick up the momentum to study... gaaahahaha.... someone please pray with me! Laterz, everyone...!
I was at New Life class last Sunday before church service and Ps Chee Wai recapped on last week's lesson about the Bible being a fundamental tool in a Christian believer's life. Interestingly, he gave this little handout to a few of us which wrote this:-
The Mobile phone vs The Bible
I wonder what will happen if we treat our bible like we treat our mobile phone?
What if we carry it around in our handbags or pockets? What if we refer to it several times a day? What if we turn back to get it if we forget it? What if we use it to receive messages from the text? What if we treat it as if we cannot live without it? What if we give it to our children as a gift? What if we use it when we travel? What if we use it in case of emergency?
Unlike our mobile phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being "disconnected" because of the unpaid bill... Jesus has already paid the bill in full.
Recently read a blog entry by a fellow bro-in-Christ who's been quite busy gobbling away in Singapore. (TEHHEHEE...~~~ watch the weight, bro!!) Anyway, as I tend to visualize quite a fair bit, I guess when he got me imagining what it'll feel like sitting by the beach reflecting over the past experiences of our own lives, it didn't take me long to spot my most recent 'ah I know why' moment!
About experience with my current client so far, I'm currently assigned to a company whose staff are 80% Malays. I wasn't too comfortable with the idea at first, especially because I have communicate with them in Malay. During that one week of work at my client's office, I confess that I have been whinging a lot to myself about being 'disadvantaged' because I have to adapt to their preferred language. As I was sharing my dissatisfaction to my aunt recently, a revelation suddenly crossed my mind and it really blew me away!
My 'ah I know why' moment came to past when I recalled the time when I went to a hospital visitation at a paediatric ward with my church mates. Majority of the patients converse in Malay as most of them were either Malays or native East Malaysians. I had to share the gospel and pray in Malay for their sake. My partner, Jo couldn't speak Malay very well so I had to help her in translation. I wasn't too good at sharing in that language and honestly, I felt lost for words when I prayed. At that time, I really felt that I needed to surrender my mouth to the Lord to anoint my lips and the words that were spoken, although they were just simple words. However, I still wished that I could have done better.
It really got thinking about how self-centered I am about wanting to have things my way all the time. It's like as if I would prefer to do the things I am called to do only if it's easy. If only my clients would communicate with me in English, I think I would work more effectively. If only everyone in the face of the earth speaks English, sharing the gospel would have been more effective. Do these sound familiar to you? The question is, do I really get to choose my ways? Was the world created to fit my comfortable shell? Not that all. I was brought to remember in Matthew 24 about the signs of the end of age when Jesus said that the gospel of the kingdom must be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations before the Son of Man returns. The phrase 'all nations' caught my attention. It triggered to me that if I don't change this attitude of mine, I'll be a stumbling block in the work of God. The unreached are usually the ones who don't speak "our language". Just because it's harder to communicate, sometimes we choose to forget about them. If majority of us are thinking that way, aren't we just slowing down the process of getting the most important "task" done? Effective, we say? You see the irony?
So, the highlight of this whole post is....
"Ah.... I know why I'm posted to this client now. I am supposed to improve in my Malay so I can share the gospel in Malay!"
Hehe.. I'll be posted in this company till end of August. So, I have got 2 more months to practice. :P
"Makcik, pernah dengar pasal Jesus? Nak tahu kenapa Jesus cintamu?" (Aunty, ever heard of Jesus? Wanna know why he loves you?)
*LoL*.... I'm still learning... trying to improve!!!
Here are some photos of the hospital visitation trip that I 'stole' off someone's Facebook. Heh.
This is Jo, with baby Ivy who wasadmitted due to chest infection. I hope you're well now, cutesy!
My girls cellmates who came for the hospital visitation.
Are these times contagious I've never been this bored before Is this the prize Ive waited for Now with the hours passing Theres nothing left here to insure I long to find a messenger
Have I got a long way to run Have I got a long way to run Yeah, I run
Is there a cure among us From this processed sanity I weaken with each voice that sings Now, in this world of purchase Im going to buy back memories To awaken some old qualities
Have I got a long way to run Have I got a long way to run Yeah, I run Yeah, I run
Have I got a long way Have I got a long way Have I got a long way to run Have I got a long way to run
Yeah, I run (have I got a long way to run) Yeah, I run (have I got a long way to run) Yeah, I run (have I got a long way to run) Yeah, I run (have I got a long way to run)
-Collective Soul-
This song echoed in my head today for a strange reason. My mind's sorta rediscovering my days back in the 90s, I suppose. Collective Soul is reminiscent of high school days. I recalled how lost I was in the midst of learning to know myself and what's the world gotta do with me. Though not Christian band, now that I thought back of what the writer wrote, much of Collective Soul’s imagery could come from the pages of the Bible. Not only did the lyrics make me think but I think they actually make me feel. Perhaps, just perhaps.. this band did somewhat lead me to my journey in finding the gateway to meeting with the Creator.
.....I'm not bored anymore.
.....I found the prize I've been waiting for.
.....there IS a cure among us.
.....Yes, I still got a long way to run.
24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. - 1 Corinthians 9:24
14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:14
Dear Jesus,
Nothing beats the joy of finding what I've been looking for through You. Yes, I am lifting my feet to run heavenwards. Sometimes my feet gets heavy but I know you're lifting me. Please never let me lose sight of the direction you're pointing at for me. I'm on my way...
Last Friday, was at a meet-the-managers dinner with my fellow division team mates. I like meeting people, so I was looking forward to it. Didn't quite know what to expect out of a dinner night with bosses but since they've been hanging in this line for so long, I thought there's ought to be some good impartation that may feed my mind to convince me that it's still possible to have a balanced lifestyle and not perceiving this career path as one that is doomed to social suicide for the next few years. =SS
The dinner became somewhat like a mini-informal interview with the Managers. The usual questions were asked:
"Where are you from?" "Why did you choose to be in the accounting line?" "Do you play any sports?"
etc...
I sorta imagined myself being in a third party's shoe envisioning the scene at the dinner table. Funny how we just laugh at things that are not deemed to be very funny just to keep the atmosphere alive. Seems like it usually happens at meetings with superiors, eh? Weird, lah!!
I was just 2 seats away from the manager, so I decided to throw him some questions. I asked him what drives him to stay at where he is now. He said, money and the satisfaction. He mentioned that he loves watches and cars and he loves shopping a lot. He works for the money to achieve the satisfaction of owning the things that he desires for. I asked another manager the same question, his answer was the money, too.
When I heard those answers, I was deeply disappointed and I became frustrated in the spirit. Indeed, I am in no position to judge their decisions and lifestyle, but what got me thinking is that, whoa, look at the world today, people gain their satisfaction through material things. It seems like as though life is all about me, myself and I. There are so many people out there filled in their pockets, if only their money were put to good use in the kingdom of God. There are actually some trained Pastors in Sabah waiting to be sent out to mission-fields but they lack the finances -- all they need is at least RM6,000 a year. And how much have we blessed wealthy people squandered our finances in unnecessary things like a RM6,000 watch just so that we can keep ourselves happy for that one second when we look at the time?? I wished I could just scream at their faces telling them that there's more to life than just self-satisfaction. I observed around the restaurant, I even prayed in my heart, wishing that someone would share that agony of frustration over this matter. I seriously wonder, who's with me?
Indeed, God has brought some comfort to me through my dearest covenant friend when I read one of her recent blog entries. I thank God for reminding me that someone is standing in unison to my thoughts and beliefs and I am of course, not gonna be alone in this. I quote from her blog:
"....How normal the desire for that kind of life can appear to be. How quickly when we take our eyes off God and out of the Bible, we can buy into the lies that this life is about ME. How scary is it that we can quickly become accustomed to such values and morals and see those things as acceptable. How normal co-habitation seemed to be. How normal adultery seemed to be. How normal it is to place value on emotions over commitment and Biblical convictions. How normal it is to place value on the exterior beauty over internal beauty. How foreign Biblical principles such as purity seemed to be. How non-existent it was the concept of God and purpose in life! How non-existent the concept of living for something other than yourself. How normal it was to pursue the happiness, the needs and wants of ME.
....this life is NOT about me. It’s not about the perfect life that I deserve and should have. It’s not just about making money, staying thin and beautiful, marrying the perfect husband, and having the perfect 2.1 kids or whatever it is. I was reminded that that’s NOTthe legacy I want to leave. That’s NOT how I want to spend my life. Despite what the world says, we are all sinners, lost in sin. I didn't deserve anything, but Jesus created, pursued and saved me. This life is His. So I’m willing to give that all up to fulfill His purpose in my life. I don’t want to be caught up in this world- but to be focused on the one to come."
Her sharing truly reinforces my beliefs in being in the world but not of the world. I wanna live a God-satisfied life but not a self-satisfied life!!!
Cait, I so wanted to hug and kiss you when I read that entry. HAHA!!! Really needed to hear that from someone else. Thank you for being there, though in a subtle, unintentional manner!! Well, I guess it was intentional by our Daddy in Heaven, anyway. *giggles* Indeed we are not covenant friends for nothing. =D
Due to bad time management and being inexperienced in gauging travel time needed for the past few Sunday Services, I have been coming in late and usually, I will miss out on the Praise session. I do sense the "missing puzzle" every time I leave service. The feeling of emptiness does stay throughout the week! I miss... I miss... I miss.....
Amazingly, God made me the happiest girl alive last Saturday. Remember I mentioned about gate-crashing a church camp??? Yup, I so did. I gave these bunch of people a pleasant surprise! :P The best part is, the presence of God was so strong in the hall... it was like having the "time of my life" dancing before the Lord together with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ!!! Talk about God hearing my whines over the nitty-gritties. That really did compensate for the 3-week of missed Praise sessions!!
Praise the LORD! Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; Praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; Praise Him with stringed instruments andpipe. Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!
