When our faith is tested by fire..

Ever felt that when you're serving Him so actively that sometimes you wonder why you do what you do and yet it's so easy to recite to yourself that you serve Him and His people because you KNOW His son died for you on the cross, paid for your sins and gave up everything for you just because He loves you. And you feel that it's only natural to reciprocate that love but, sometimes it's easy to give it back and some other times, you feel that you can't seem to remember how to translate that knowledge into a conviction?

I couldn't help but remember the times when I felt that apathy was slowly chewing into my thoughts during my journey with God. I felt that I misplaced something. Where is the fire? Where is my passion? I can't push myself to love someone I have no feelings for. I have failed God. When my faith hits the wall, I often beat myself up with frustration and insecurity, my heart filled with sense of guilt thinking that I seriously am not deserving of His love.

The greatest inspiration that helped me to pick myself up again during these moments is when I am reminded of Apostle Peter. This is a man who discovered that Christ knew his flawed heart and wanted to transform him.

We know that Peter is one who's heart is very willing to go all out for Jesus. However, Jesus' words must have shocked him greatly when he said that he will be a betrayer unto him, not once, but 3 times (Luke 22:33-34)!
With the words fresh in his mind, Peter even tried proving himself by protecting Jesus from being taken away by slitting off one of the soldier's ear during the commotion. Interestingly, Jesus healed the soldier's ear and Peter had to step aside. Peter must have been utterly confused at that moment! As we know, the prophesy that Jesus spoke came to past. Peter did disown Jesus 3 times before the rooster crowed the next morning. Nothing could have described that agony within Peter when he realised what he had done. When it mattered most, he failed. He probably felt that he lost his conscience. He didn't know himself, and he didn't know Jesus.

Notice these verses below as Jesus reinstates Peter in John 21:15-17.

15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.

Peter used the word 'know' that translates God's omniscient characteristic. He knows Peter will disown him 3 times but by seeing through his heart, he knows he really loves him. Notice the compassion that Christ has for this passionate, brave but imperfect man? He entrusted Peter with a mission of his lifetime. After Christ's ascension, Peter became a changed man. He truly became 'the rock' that Jesus established him to be and became the head of Christ's followers. His downfall made him rise up again. Just when he thought that all was over, it was actually only just the beginning!

It was during the last meal that Jesus gave Peter one of the greatest gifts of all. Peter just didn't recognise it at that moment. Jesus told him, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22:31-32).

Sometimes we may feel disappointed by our carnal attitudes that we feel stuck in a situation that we wish we could fix immediately. We may feel like we fell into a deep pit and we don't even remember how we got in there, and it's so deep that we don't know how to save ourselves out from it.
Just like Peter, we may fail God many times in our walks with Him but ultimately God will prevail, and no matter how we fall, our faith will still stand because Jesus is praying for us!! Way before we fall, he has already covered and protected us in his prayers! Your fall may be an opportunity for him to let you taste that first love that he's given you, again. It's like when you live in a city, you can easily find McDonald's anywhere. It's so easy to find that you don't crave for it as much. But when you are placed in a land far, far away (joining Mr Shrek, HAHA =P) with no McD's available, you kinda forgot how good the burgers taste. And when you're back in the city again, tasting it again after so long makes it tastes just as good as the first time you tasted it.
I hope I am making some sense here!! =P

Friends, if you are down in your faith, you felt like you forgot how to love God, do not be dismayed. Based on the portrayal of Peter's life, he forgotten Jesus 3 times, but he found his first love again, through his mistakes! I truly believe that it is just the beginning. Turn back and go strengthen your brothers (Luke 22:32b)! Your downfalls are your transformation moments which are going to be beautiful testimonies shared to encourage others and also, glorify His Name!

"If you think you cannot love God, you are wrong, the problem is you do not really know how much HE loves you." - Author unknown.

PS: Dear brother-in-Christ (you know who you are :P), as promised, here's the revelation I was meant to share with you. I hope this post spoke to you... ^_^

Happy b-Earth Day to me!

Yepsss... so it was my birthday a few hours ago. I had a rather interesting birthday experience this year. It rained for a while the night before and lighting struck the electricity post somewhere in my neighbourhood and caused a blackout at the row of houses in front of my place. Good thing my row was not affected, else Mum would be pretty pissed if she missed the exciting part of her Chinese Drama-- believe me.. her source of entertainment.. very important!

Anyways, I managed to catch "House" on AXN after mum's dramas but my desire to watch "Braveheart" after that, hoping that William Wallace would inspire me once again, on my birthday.... did not come to past. The clock struck 12 and *pouff* the electricity was cut off due to repairs needed to be done caused by the lightning just now. Hmmm...interesting, I had a thought that maybe... just maybe, someone would bring me a birthday cake with candles on 'em and go, "SURPRISE!!!" ... =__= that didn't happen either. HAHA...Wishful thinking!!

Let there be light... *LoL*

However, my mobile rang and it was from the sweetest bunch of people I've ever known! Thanks so much for the call, you know who you are!! The blackout-birthday-"tanglung"-chat on the phone with y'all was more than enough to make my birthday a very special one. (Despite the fact that my parents actually forgot to buy me a cake today...HAHA.. Mummy gave me money to buy one for myself tomorrow, though! Funny! XD)

Also, I got this in my mailbox today!! (Rachybaby, I got yours on Saturday.. ask Post Malaysia, why?? *shrug*)

*ahem* velly velly glamorous, ain't it?? I feel the LURVE....

Thank you all, Judah 7!! I feel extremely blessed to be remembered on this day. What more could I ask for.

And... God never fails to give me the desires of my heart on my birthdays. This time, He blessed me with a job. YES!! I am hired!!! PricewaterhouseCoopers, here I come.....in June! Thank you, Lord, for you heard the little details, too.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD."

-Psalm 40:1-3

Oh yeah, PS: Happy Earth Day, everyone! Save electricity, save water and love God's 3rd rock from the sun =)

My foot is tapping... tapping... tapping....

Have you ever had an experience that you were eagerly looking forward to a moment and your mind kept revolving around that "moment", you could hardly focus on anything else? Sometimes you even wish that you could speed time up so that you could just catch a glimpse of it way before hand. Truly, it's not wrong to have that eagerness building up in us but often enough, this matter revolves around the test of patience... or rather, (whether you like it or not) IMPATIENCE.

My journey called "life" took a rather big turn and I honestly still think it's a miracle that I allowed myself to step into where I am now. So what have I been up to, you wonder. I have been staying home most of my time and occasionally driving mum to the hospital. That's pretty much the major highlights of my life now. Sounds like there's nothing much to shout about in comparison to my previously much tighter schedule that I had back in Brisbane. Now, I have so much time in my hands that I don't know what to do with it. I knew I did request for a "break", but I never expected it to be *this* LONGGG (Be careful what you pray for?? HAHA~~!!). I'd be silly to complain, I know. But I can't help but feel like a "nomad" at times, still roaming around wishing I could feel more settled a little earlier. It's frustrating and sometimes I wish commanding myself to stop thinking about it would just put a full-stop to my thoughts but I still couldn't help it. As I am going through this time of transition, I realised that I have never quite grasp what waiting upon the Lord really meant (...and still figuring...=__=). Looks like impatience is slowly climbing onto me. What was I thinking?? My focus was based on what "I" want, rather than "what can I do to make good use of my time while I wait?"

I can never build patience by my own strength and I really need God to help me build this quality. In Galatians 5:22, the fruits of the spirit are listed and patience is one of them, therefore I have no doubt at all that patience is a quality that is vital in a Christ-believer's life. Christ is our strength and he can help us learn to wait. Each day we have is a gift from God and each moment we have is meant to be used wisely and for good. Yeah, so while I wait, gotta pick up those books that I received as gifts from friends and start digesting them into my spiritual soul (LOOK, MEL~~ I am reading the Sheila Walsh book now, it's really awesome!! Thanks!!! ~~ Oh, and I'll read yours soon, Didi!), listen to sermons on my iPOD during those long hours hospital waits, reading every nook and cranny of the newspapers to keep myself on the edge of what's happening locally.

I turned from this....

.....to this. (HeHeHe...well, at least I am trying to. =P)

Ahh well, I know it'll be worth the wait. God has proven it so many times and I know He'll do it again. As I choose to let God have the last word on the subject, I trust that I will hear Him encouraging me in James 1:3-4, "Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

Anyways, on a side note, I have attended my first cell group just now. I was one of the younger ones there and well, this is a breath of fresh air. Although I am going to be based in this CG for just a short period of time before I relocate to Kuala Lumpur, I am eagerly looking forward to getting to know these group of faith-filled people. I have joined them for several meal-outings and am adapting quite well with them. Oh yeah, I had an early "April babies" birthday celebration with them just now, too. =D
Also, I've got an assessment/interview coming up on the 15th and an interview on the 17th, if I get short-listed. I am really rooting on this firm so keep me in prayer. May God's will be done.


Lord, I love the way you write the story of my life. Every chapter brings many uncertainties but yet always ends beautifully in Your perfect way. Though I struggle to let go of certain things, I pray that you will help me to surrender them all to You. I thank you for giving me the eyes to see that every moment of my life spells out how You were a part of it. I will not let anyone write my story but You. Waiting for more chapters to come....

PaPaaa...I just killed a COCKROACH!!! =D

It's one of those nights again when I spent my time at the living room watching a Taiwanese drama on "Hua Hee Tai". It was commercial time and something twitched my mind and at the corner of my eye, I thought I saw a little figure crawling on the wall that's beside the dining table behind me -- "Oh, it's just a lizard. Doesn't bother me at all." Strangely as it may sound, I thought, "If it was Mr.Cockroach, how would I react, instead?? " I've got cockroach phobia..I confess. bwahaha.

Anyways, after the drama, I thought I'll just head on upstairs to my room to do some unpacking.. (yes, so I have been procrastinating.). It felt a little warm that night so I decided to switch on the air-con. To my dismay, a big black gooey creature crawled out of the air-con---jeng jeng jeng.... my nightmare of meeting Mr.Cockroach turned into reality!!! ACCKckk!!! Now I don't even have to imagine how I'd react when I come cross that.. that.. thing!! 'Live' in action! I flipped and ran all the way downstairs and yelled, "Papa....!!! There's a cockroach in my room!! Kill it for me now pleasssseeee!!" Both my parents literally burst out laughing and teased my cowardly behaviour by saying, "Aiyoh, cockroach also you scared, how are you going to face bigger obstacles of the world?? Cham liao lah! Tsk tsk!!" (Embarrassing, I know!!) So, Papa tried hitting the cockroach on the wall with my ruler (Oh...why my ruler, paa??? =S) but it fell to the floor behind the sofa bed in my room... trapped in that dark corner with some of my old boxes. He told me he couldn't get it, so as long as I leave it alone, nothing will happen.

With this phobia stuck in me ever since I could remember, I couldn't let go of that fear. It's an irrational fear, I know, but many fears are irrational, anyway. It doesn't keep them from freaking you out so badly that you scream your head off. The only thing causing me to consider going after the cockroach was an even more irrational fear that the ghastly creature, if left alive, would wait until I was sleeping tonight and then crawl up my bedpost, into my sheets, and tickle my feet or something!!! I know this sounds funny, I said a prayer to God and asked Him to protect me.. from that cockroach.. *LoL* I decided that I wanted to overcome this so-called "irrational fear"-- I braved myself and shared the same room with Mr.Cockroach that night.

Woke up the next morning, no sign of it. Very good. Didn't really give it much thought after that, thinking that perhaps God answered my prayer and it probably found its way out of my room to somewhere else. Hurrah!! =P

Went online at night and caught up with some peeps on MSN. It's nice to hear from some familiar people again. (Thanks, Sean, for saying 'something'. *wink*) Interestingly, we were talking "deep" stuff, i'd say... spiritual stuff leh...haha. Suddenly, I felt something tickled across my feet... I looked down and I saw THE cockroach scurrying about underneath my chair!! (Sean, you know the rest of the story..haha) (That's me on the left, turning blue after that tingling feeling at my feet. just kidding!)
EeWW.. I stood up, surprisingly, I didn't overreact but I told myself that I want to kill that thing with my barehands (well, maybe not literally.. with a paper, at least!!) this time. I scrambled around the room looking for an old magazine or newspaper. I picked up the my sister's Cleo Magazine (sorry jie... :P) and I chased after it and gave it a few good whacks but it escaped to the back of the sofa bed again! Taking a deep breath, I pushed the sofa bed away from the wall, the little thing scurried out of the sofa and ran towards my brother's room. Argh, I thought if smacking it to death is not gonna work, Baygon Spray's gotta come to the rescue!! Muahaha..Though I didn't like the very idea, there was no other way, though! I just bathed the cockroach with a fine spray of the poison. Alas! The poor thing eccentrically exhibited a Brownian motion of sorts before falling on its back, only to give up, unable to withstand the torturing stings of the spray. All was over in minutes. Picked up the creature with LAYERS of toilet roll, and I proudly flushed it down the toilet bowl..Nyahaha!! I just overcame one of the biggest fears of my life!I JUST KILLED A COCKROACH!!

That "cockroach drama" actually made me ponder upon the word "fear". The passage about David facing Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 crossed my mind...

David did not listen to the lies of the enemy. He saw Goliath for what he was: a perverter of truth. The lies of the enemy results in hopelessness in our hearts and accusations against God and others. The enemy’s lies are intended to impress us, to gain a foothold in our thought patterns, and to strike fear in our hearts. In 1 Samuel 17:44, Goliath said, “Come to me and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and beasts of the field.” Ain't that a lie or what?? David responded to Goliath by speaking truth to him: “You come to me with a sword and a spear and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, whom you have defied.”

Someone once said that 90 percent of the things we fear never happen. A further 9 percent we often make happen ourselves. For instance, a person who has a deep fear of failure, may get himself so anxious about failing, he will make himself fail.
Our "Goliaths" may actually be just as big as a cockroach and we could have easily defeat it with just an effortless whack but it's interesting how man can exaggerate the truth and cling on to lies of fear and defeat so easily, no?? We shouldn't be defiled by the schemes of the enemy implanting lies into our minds but we should learn from the example of David. Let's face our "little cockroach Goliaths" with great boldness, for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline, yeah?? (2 Timothy 1:7)

“Courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage is being afraid and still doing what you know needs to be done anyway.”

So Papa (note the pun.. hehe.. I mean both of you. *wink*) I killed a cockroach, perhaps I can face other obstacles of the world now, you think?? =P

PS: I was contemplating whether to take a photo of that dead cockroach to celebrate my victory and post it up here but I thought it'll be a little too disgusting for some of us to bear. Hmm...maybe I should put up a photo of a CAT for Amelia instead, hopefully that'll encourage her to overcome her fear for cats. hahaha.. kidding!

Just hangin'...

Spent most of my time watching Taiwanese dramas (just because my mum watches 'em. My favourite past-time with her. hehe..). I think my hokkien is improving bit by bit.

In the meantime, the job hunting saga continues!! Been keeping busy writing up cover letters to some firms in Kuala Lumpur. Hopefully something comes up really soon... before I get "disowned" for living off my dad's $$$ for so long.. wahahaha...
I'm actually quite excited about this new phase of life that I am stepping into. Fingers crossed and keep me in prayer, yeah? I'll update, so watch this blog :)

Also, my boxes have finally arrived at my doorstep today. Time to clear up those boxes...till then..

Work-in-progress...

Motivation...

I've been feeling quite sluggish since the day I arrived back home. I realised my body clock turned a little wonky when I started waking up at 7.30am in the morning (which I usually don't) almost everyday. By mid-afternoon, I'd feel extremely sleepy and I couldn't help but plunk myself onto my bed for an afternoon nap. Argh.. Not a very good sign!! So, I thought getting out of the house to do some exercise may help re-energize myself a bit. Ee Wey gave me a ring a few days back and offered to bring me to Fitness First using her Guest Pass. Thank God for her, God really knows what I need at the right time!I was really looking forward to getting back into my gym-ing lifestyle that I used to practice back when I was in Brisbane. So yeah, Fitness First, I am back!!


I love exercising. Not because I am very good at it but it is because of the powerful way it speaks about the word "motivation". I enjoy running on the treadmill and weight-lift with just me, myself, and my trusty little green iPod Nano blasting very upbeat Praise songs like "Running After You" or "The Freedom We Know", which usually helps a lot to keep my feet off the ground to push myself towards my limits. At times, when I am at the edge of giving up, I always visualise and place my focus on something--like I am reaching towards it (Hmm.. maybe think... Haagan Daz Cookies & Creams flavoured ice-cream coated with double-layered chocolate icing etc etc..*drool...* I want!! Just kidding!!!) And putting God as being that "something" never failed to keep me motivated. Often enough, I am reminded of the words that Apostle Paul spoke of:

Hebrews 12:1-3 : Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

So true, isn't it? It all has to do with what's in the head. If you feel defeated, you are defeated. Perhaps you may ask yourself what do you really want to achieve at the end of the day? What actually drew you to endure the struggle all the way to the end? It made me reflect upon how Jesus endured the pain on the cross for undeserving beings like us. He could have chosen to turn back and change His mind when it was just hurting too much but he did not. He finished what he had to accomplish. He thought it was all worth it. Ever wondered what motivated him? The answer is simple, because he loves us.

And.... after that one hour++ of exercise, Ee Wey and Dave brought me to dinner and I had Pan Mee...
Oh the downfall of living in Penang aka Food Paradise. Ha-ha...Let 's just say I still need to work on what we call, "discipline".