That smell....

Do you have a thing for smell? I do!!
You know, like when you smell a familiar smell...
Could be the smell...
of a room's carpet...
a person's laundry detergent on their clothes...
someone's shampoo or perfume..

The scent somehow reminds you of a person, a place, or even a specific time of your life?

Just a few minutes ago, I washed my hands with the soap at the guestroom's bathroom that I rarely use.
That soap smell somehow smelled familar and it brought back certain memories. It reminds me of a year ago, when the soap near the dining table sink was the same one.

It reminded me of the time when I was home alone for about a month or so.
when my family was still based in Penang
I was studying for my CPA at home.
The little rat used to visit the kitchen.. (it never came back anymore.. phew.)
When I was still struggling with work in audit.
The time when we just got Axel (my dog)

hurm.. anyway, yeah. random.
Surely, these were good memories. I smile when I think about it. Challenging when I was going through that period.. but really, recalling back, I wouldn't change a thing.

Ah... time flies. It's been almost exactly a year, i think.

Old smell.... replaced with a new one.
no turning back, no turning back...
Moving on ahead to a new season babeh~

The new soap scent for the season...
heh heh...

7 stations of the cross -- Pause and reflect --- capture the "MOMENT"

An email to Friends 2 cell...

Hi everyone,

It's Good Friday. I am personally very blessed and touched by the 7 stations of the cross journey on Thursday night.
It's really such a blessing to even commune together with all of you as a body of Christ, looking to God and remembering His love for all of us. I love the transparency we show ourselves even as a body of Christ -- that we acknowledge that we are people with imperfections and we need God in our lives to constantly change us and mold us.
Seriously, thank you so much for sharing, everyone... you guys are the rocks for Jesus man.. ;)

As I mentioned in cell last night, I took that step to fast a meal for a few days before leading to Good Friday.
Honestly, I did it not because I was doing it as a spiritual act or trying to be "holier" than others. I did it because I wanted my time of reflecting and remembering what Jesus went through for me to be an act that would let me feel something -- perhaps at least cost me something. Serious, my fasting act is just nothing comparable to what Jesus had done for me. What I am feeling is just a tinge (or not even close) of it.

Surely, fasting on solid food still wasn't an easy act --to add to that, my colleagues went out to Midvalley to celebrate my boss's birthday and I had to give it a pass because I opted to fast for lunch time between the 12pm-3pm in rememberance of Jesus' time on the cross from the 6th to 9th hour. When most people were away for lunch, I did something that I never thought I would do in the office, I plucked out my bible, opened my journal, put my on iPod and incidentally, my iPod was on shuffle mode and it played the song, "Lord of Lords" by Brooke Fraser. I left it on repeat mode. I didn't do much, but let the song just minister to me.

"Now unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honor and praise
All of creation resounds with the song
Worship and praise Him
The Lord of lords"




Truly what a beauty... just that sense of adoration just came by and it felt so.. so...*WOW*. I felt like as though I didn't want that moment to go. Such holiness, such glory. It's like I could almost feel the transformation that's going to take place -- that Good Friday HAS to take place for that transformation to happen. And it was that moment, from the 6th to 9th hour when he hung on the cross, mocked, slashed, nailed... the transformation was taking place.

The 7 stations journey was definitely a very humbling one for me. I took off my watch, as I didn't want time to be a factor for me throughout the journey. I started some time at 7.50pm. I actually took almost 3 hours to finish the full journey. (Wow.. so long right..?? =P)

No, I am not trying to prove anything, like "wow, Miranda is so close to God that she is hearing so much from Him.." No.. surely not true. Far from that. Reason why I was there for 3 whole hours was, like I said last night -- I don't want to miss a moment.

I wanted to just have my "Selah" moment, even if it takes a long time of waiting upon Him to speak. Some time was spent longer at some stations, some less. And yes, His words to me at the "Lord's Supper" station was just, "Marry Me". Simple as it may sound, but these words just cut deep into my heart. It is something so personal that I wept. The words didn't come straight away, it came at a later moment with quite some time of waiting.

Have you ever remembered that last "moment" that you had hearing or just experiencing something from God? Often enough, because we are not willing to wait, not having the patience to just "Selah", we naturally give up and ought to complain and say that we don't hear from God. He doesn't speak etc etc. God, who's in control of all things, has the choice to speak at the moment that He desires. Sometimes God is just waiting for that "moment" to speak to you. Don't be in a hurry all the time that you miss your "moment" with Him. Many times He wanted to speak but our thoughts are rushing off elsewhere. Because we chose NOT to wait. That's why often enough, it is not because he doesn't speak, just that we refuse to pause and reflect, and LISTEN.

Even as it leads on to Station 6, the station that our cell prepared for, perhaps most of us were so familiar with the flow and also the layout of the station, we may naturally just make our assumption that we've already lost that "moment" and the experience won't be new anymore. Maybe we just get too distracted, like.. "OOooOh.. HAHAHA.. Desmond sounded so funny in the recording of the mockery, Colin's stupendous "PTOOOoI" was just so hilarious and I cannot stop giggling.." Have you ever thought that perhaps when you were too distracted about the laugh and giggles, you could have just missed a "moment" with God? No, I am not trying to say that we don't have a sense of humour, just pointing out a possibility...
Many times in our lives, we just get distracted by the littlest things, and we just don't hear him when he's trying to say something.

Sometimes, all it takes for you is just to...
....switch off that radio in the car when you drive through the KL traffic jams and ...SELAH...
.... put away that laptop and just go out and take a walk near a park to ....SELAH...

....the list goes on...

So Friends, the journey of the cross did not end on Thursday night. The journey is continuing on throughout a lifetime.
Remember , during your journey, always remember too.... "SELAH".

Happy Easter everyone!


Psalm 32:5
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah




PS: - I just want to also thank all of you for being such an awesome and devoted bunch in doing the preparation for the 6th station as well. LoL... surely I would honestly say.. quoting Colin, "best station lah!" Seriously.. it did really speak to me! =)

Obsession?

Some time early this year, someone from the HR department came by to our cubicles and posted each of us this question, "What is your obsession?" It was actually in conjunction with our firm's New Year party's theme, called... no surprise, "Obsession". She gave us a paper to write down our obsession. I hesitated for a long time wondering what should I pen down. I was tempted to write down "Jesus" or "God" or something related to my faith. Surely it wasn't quite something appropriate to state as an obsession, at least not for a company event.
So... I wrote, singing. I love singing. I really do. I love singing love songs to my God. At least that's something subtly connected with my faith... a little secret that only I know about.

Been thinking about this word "obsession" lately.
It got me wondering whether I would be lying to myself or just faking a religious act if I really did write down "Jesus" as my obsession. Was I even "qualified" in my heart to declare such a bold statement.

On a random note, don't know if this relates.
I had a dream last night, which got me thinking.
A friend's dad was in it. One thing that I can remember clearly, the colour of his shirt. We were in a noodle shop. He was holding a tray of noodles and a few kids were around him. I was standing at the side, also holding my own bowl of noodles.
He waved at me and asked me to join him at the table.
I hesitated. Walked towards the table... took a few steps away and decided to take the table behind him. Sitting alone. And I ate my noodles. At that moment, I felt like I was too embarassed, unworthy, unqualified to sit with him. But I also knew, I felt sad, disappointed, discouraged that I chose to sit away.

Don't really know whether this dream meant anything. Don't really know how this makes sense but a friend mentioned to me that man seemed to be like "God".
Feeling unworthy to go near to God? Hmm.
I almost forgotten about the dream until I saw that Uncle from afar at church today. He wore the same coloured shirt.
Hmm again. What's with dreams and coloured shirts and me?! I seem to get that dejavu a lot.

Anyway, back to the 'obsession', I wished I wrote something else instead of just 'singing'. Instead of just singing to God, I really want to do more than just singing. Been reflecting upon the decisions that I have made to be where I am now. The church that I am in, the cell that I am in. In ministry, though I honestly miss the experience a lot, I chose not to serve in the worship ministry. i felt that my heart wants to get personal with people. The burden that I feel for, at the moment, is for my generation of young adults. I believe there's a whole lot of potential in this group of people that I am surrounded with. I always wanted to believe in the best of everyone even with the littlest things of how they can be a blessing to God through the simplest observations when I look at them. I couldn't help but believe. I have been carrying this feeling for a long time. I didn't choose this church because it is at an 'expectation' that I envision them to be so that I can receive or serve comfortably. I chose here because I am challenged to serve. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. But I felt challenged to make a difference in this ground. There's a lot more that we need to grow in. I wish to see the YAs passion for God reignite again, more of us running back to Your throne, where we truly belong, hearts constantly filled with Your fire, surrendering all that we have and knowing what is Yours that we cannot give, inspired by You to rise up in spirit and in truth, desperate to have a glimpse of You, even if it has to cause us ourselves, people not living in this world waiting to be entertained but disturbed to do something that will glorify Your Name, be the difference maker that breaks down the walls of deception, wanting to walk the way that leads to Your heart, considering others above ourselves, living a life that echoes the declaration that Jesus is truly our Lord...
Honestly, my heart of little faith still does question my intentions, discontentments, frustrations etc., whether I will take the steps of Peter in denying God. Oh God may I be the faithful one.
I desire to be sold-out to Jesus. I want to be that difference. The difference maker. The difference do-er. I want that to continue to be my obsession. Even when my flesh fails me, let this be a constant reminder of my promise that I have given to Him, I want to take the road less traveled. Even if I have to face the reality of disappointments, watching others taking the other side of the road. Even if it breaks me, I still want to hang on and believe that nothing is impossible with God. Help me to hang on, dear God. It's Your business, I'm just doing my part to carry small parts of it. I know I'm not alone in this.

The photo taken for the event. It's now pinned at my cubicle.
Difference maker wannabe!

My ongoing resolution...

New Year Resolutions.

I'm not even very sure whether I am a believer of such. Recently at cell meet, ML got all of us to write our New Year Resolution, or rather, 'spiritual resolution' on a piece of paper. Got the paper from ML and I wrote what I felt I needed to grow in... An envelope was also given to us to tuck in the paper. She decided to get us to keep it with us instead of collecting it back from us. I suppose we are expected to be convicted, or rather, disciplined enough to keep to our word.
Just had a thought that if i keep this piece of paper tucked in my bible but no one ever sees it. I honestly don't even trust myself in fulfilling it.
Hence here it is.. wide spread open...

1) Invest more into real , personal relationships - To put more time and effort in going for personal meet-ups and also keeping them in prayer consistently.

2) Spend more time resting in the presence of God aka. MORE time spent for quiet times. To devote my Wednesday nights for longer QTs.

3) To develop heart of prayer - join the intercessory team, aka Upper Room Ministry (??? - still a ..??... still praying about it... notice the irony? =P)

Yeah, my resolutions are all achievable and I've decided not to hide them. Afterall, the resolutions are meant to be advantageous anyway. All in all, hoping to see a personal revival in my more-than-ordinary life.

"A New Year's resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. " - wikipedia.

Hatiku rindu melihat kemuliaan-Mu...

Yesuslah Tuhan Yang Layak Ditinggikan
Layak Disembah Oleh Suku-Suku Bangsa
Dengan Darah-Mu, Kau Telah Tebus bangsaku
Genapi Tuhan Firman-Mu Atas Neg’riku

Hatiku Rindu Melihat Kemuliaan-Mu
Hatiku Rindu Melihat Curahan Kuasa-Mu
Di Tanah Tercinta Negara Malaysia
Kuberdoa Malaysia Penuh Kemuliaan-Mu
Malaysia Bagi Kemuliaan-Mu

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

Come on mighty warriors of God, pray for your country..!

Beautifully broken

are you beautifully broken? - Christina Holder

In a world that repeatedly breaks our hearts, our deepest pain can also be our greatest source of joy and purpose. Brokenness draws us to God like no other condition can. He is the only One who can give us true hope and use our pain for His glory and for His good purpose. The deepest hurts of our fallen world may be inescapable, but God also promises us that He is "our refuge and strength" (Psalm 46:1-2), the deliverer of all our fears (Psalm 34:4) and the One who wants to use for good the pain of those who belong to Him (Romans 8:28).

So often we want to skip our seasons of brokenness. We don't want to feel the pain or the sorrow or the fear or the shame. We long for the time when we will be OK again. But the truth is that until Heaven, we won't ever be OK. Until then, we have a choice. Will we choose to allow ourselves to truly experience our broken state? Will we ask God to use our deepest hurts beyond ourselves? Will we dive into turbulent waters and tread upon cracked earth? It's a frightening challenge. But what blessings are on the other side of brokenness? God promises to trade the ashes of our failures, losses and suffering for His true beauty. He longs to make us beautiful in our brokenness. Beautifully broken.

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of love or a season?

—from Reluctance by Robert Frost

Yes, I am closing the curtains and moving on....
Thank you Lord for you are good..
Your love endures forever and I know that when You say forever, I don't have a space of doubt for that.

Thank YOU....

How I prefer it to be...

Had some love for a while
Don't know what's its reason
Maybe I hoped a little too much, tried a little too hard
Know I had to go through this season
To arrive at where I am now
By myself again

Suddenly felt that I have not much to do
Lazing around nowhere particular to be
An effortless kind of freedom
Not much to think about
With no one
Just me
But it's okay, that's all I need
Just me

Maybe I've just been too busy writing my story
So I haven't noticed much of Him
But He's been with me
Perhaps He felt like the extra
But He's been with me
So patiently
Watching and waiting for me
Waiting to show me where He fits
In this story

I'm by myself
I'm by myself
but not alone
No it's not that hard to be
I don't belong to anyone
But I belong to the King
I will keep on singing
Yes I belong to the King
I'll let You write my story
Just the way it should be

Yes, this is how I prefer it to be... How I prefer it to be...

One day in the time He pens it down
I'll trust in love and start again
And when I look behind
At all my aching pain
I have to thank the wrongs that brought me to a love that lasts for long

Yes, this is how I prefer it to be... How I prefer it to be...

Just a little writing on a lazy Saturday afternoon
Lazing around nowhere particular to be
An effortless kind of freedom
Not much to think about
With no one
Just me