My ongoing resolution...

New Year Resolutions.

I'm not even very sure whether I am a believer of such. Recently at cell meet, ML got all of us to write our New Year Resolution, or rather, 'spiritual resolution' on a piece of paper. Got the paper from ML and I wrote what I felt I needed to grow in... An envelope was also given to us to tuck in the paper. She decided to get us to keep it with us instead of collecting it back from us. I suppose we are expected to be convicted, or rather, disciplined enough to keep to our word.
Just had a thought that if i keep this piece of paper tucked in my bible but no one ever sees it. I honestly don't even trust myself in fulfilling it.
Hence here it is.. wide spread open...

1) Invest more into real , personal relationships - To put more time and effort in going for personal meet-ups and also keeping them in prayer consistently.

2) Spend more time resting in the presence of God aka. MORE time spent for quiet times. To devote my Wednesday nights for longer QTs.

3) To develop heart of prayer - join the intercessory team, aka Upper Room Ministry (??? - still a ..??... still praying about it... notice the irony? =P)

Yeah, my resolutions are all achievable and I've decided not to hide them. Afterall, the resolutions are meant to be advantageous anyway. All in all, hoping to see a personal revival in my more-than-ordinary life.

"A New Year's resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. " - wikipedia.

Hatiku rindu melihat kemuliaan-Mu...

Yesuslah Tuhan Yang Layak Ditinggikan
Layak Disembah Oleh Suku-Suku Bangsa
Dengan Darah-Mu, Kau Telah Tebus bangsaku
Genapi Tuhan Firman-Mu Atas Neg’riku

Hatiku Rindu Melihat Kemuliaan-Mu
Hatiku Rindu Melihat Curahan Kuasa-Mu
Di Tanah Tercinta Negara Malaysia
Kuberdoa Malaysia Penuh Kemuliaan-Mu
Malaysia Bagi Kemuliaan-Mu

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

Come on mighty warriors of God, pray for your country..!

Beautifully broken

are you beautifully broken? - Christina Holder

In a world that repeatedly breaks our hearts, our deepest pain can also be our greatest source of joy and purpose. Brokenness draws us to God like no other condition can. He is the only One who can give us true hope and use our pain for His glory and for His good purpose. The deepest hurts of our fallen world may be inescapable, but God also promises us that He is "our refuge and strength" (Psalm 46:1-2), the deliverer of all our fears (Psalm 34:4) and the One who wants to use for good the pain of those who belong to Him (Romans 8:28).

So often we want to skip our seasons of brokenness. We don't want to feel the pain or the sorrow or the fear or the shame. We long for the time when we will be OK again. But the truth is that until Heaven, we won't ever be OK. Until then, we have a choice. Will we choose to allow ourselves to truly experience our broken state? Will we ask God to use our deepest hurts beyond ourselves? Will we dive into turbulent waters and tread upon cracked earth? It's a frightening challenge. But what blessings are on the other side of brokenness? God promises to trade the ashes of our failures, losses and suffering for His true beauty. He longs to make us beautiful in our brokenness. Beautifully broken.

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of love or a season?

—from Reluctance by Robert Frost

Yes, I am closing the curtains and moving on....
Thank you Lord for you are good..
Your love endures forever and I know that when You say forever, I don't have a space of doubt for that.

Thank YOU....

How I prefer it to be...

Had some love for a while
Don't know what's its reason
Maybe I hoped a little too much, tried a little too hard
Know I had to go through this season
To arrive at where I am now
By myself again

Suddenly felt that I have not much to do
Lazing around nowhere particular to be
An effortless kind of freedom
Not much to think about
With no one
Just me
But it's okay, that's all I need
Just me

Maybe I've just been too busy writing my story
So I haven't noticed much of Him
But He's been with me
Perhaps He felt like the extra
But He's been with me
So patiently
Watching and waiting for me
Waiting to show me where He fits
In this story

I'm by myself
I'm by myself
but not alone
No it's not that hard to be
I don't belong to anyone
But I belong to the King
I will keep on singing
Yes I belong to the King
I'll let You write my story
Just the way it should be

Yes, this is how I prefer it to be... How I prefer it to be...

One day in the time He pens it down
I'll trust in love and start again
And when I look behind
At all my aching pain
I have to thank the wrongs that brought me to a love that lasts for long

Yes, this is how I prefer it to be... How I prefer it to be...

Just a little writing on a lazy Saturday afternoon
Lazing around nowhere particular to be
An effortless kind of freedom
Not much to think about
With no one
Just me

Selamat Hari Merdeka, Malaysia!

Just about 2 weeks before, I was approached by Ps Lee Choo and was asked to say a prayer at the pulpit during one of the church services during the merdeka weekend. Not only that, she also encouraged me to find a team to lead the Praise and Worship session during the Merdeka prayer night, which was supposed to be on from 10pm to 2am. Honestly, I was very, very reluctant to say 'yes, I'll do it.' to Ps LC on the spot and I told her that I will think about it.
I kept prolonging my respond to her for days... I even almost ignored her SMSes when she reminded me of these 2 things. Thankfully, Colin's been a great encouragement to me, time and time again. He reminded me that I was showing the 'signs of Moses', somewhat. It made me realise that I was trying to cook up 1001 excuses claiming that I am not eloquent to do any of these. Remember that I have an issue with stage fright? That's only one of it. I also fear what people would think of me. What if nothing comes out from my mouth when I am up at the pulpit? O Lord, please send someone else to do it!! (so familiar.. wahaha..)

¹¹ The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? ¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." - Exodus 4:10-12

Reading the verses in Exodus really gave me a push to stay obedient. I finally tapped an SMS to Ps LC and agreed to do both. Amazing that it was not long ago that I mentioned about allowing God to chisel me out of my comfort zone.

Honestly, I struggled when I was preparing myself as the day drew closer. Finally, the day came and I was called to pray during the 8.30am service. I woke up early dawn and kept praying and one thing that I said to God again and again was that I want to be humble. Let everything be about Him and nothing about me. I knew how pride would naturally take over me. Let this not be a performance, this is not a performance!
Really, I thank God that I was given the privilege to pray for the nation at the pulpit. I personally felt ministered to and I knew that the prayers I made were for me too.

P&W on Merdeka eve was amazing too. I really thank GOD for the support given by my cell and zone members in uniting together to serve the Lord in singing Him the praises and worship that he deserves. I was personally very excited in my spirit throughout the day that I couldn't fall asleep! *LoL*
Anyway, this song came about at the very last minute when Ps Lee Choo had the prompting to get the congregation to sing it to end the prayer session. For a moment there I thought I couldn't remember how to sing it but surprisingly, I was able to remember a large portion of the song lyrically! I guess thanks to the times when I used to hear it on local TV on RTM channel when I was very little, especially when I was waiting for Mighty Mouse or Superdave to come on TV. Before last night, I could only remember it as a familiar tune and words that never really meant anything to me, possibly because I was too young (or too ignorant, rather.) to understand it. I never actually caught what the song was about until that night!
The song has been stuck in my head for a few days already...

Puji and syukur pada Ilahi (Praise and thanks be to God)
Anugerah-Nya tiada terhingga (His favour is unending)
Kedamaian, kemakmuran (Peace, Prosperity)
Malaysiaku bahagia (My Malaysia is blessed)

Dengan tekad untuk berjaya (With determination to succeed)
Berbakti pada nusa dan bangsa (To serve our homeland and nation)
Kami junjung cita-cita luhur (We uphold the noble aspirations)
Perpaduan seluruh negeri (Unity throughout the states)

Seia, sekata, sehati, sejiwa (One mind, one voice, one heart, one soul)
Menghadapi cabaran (In facing challenges)
Kami setia, kami sedia (We are loyal, we are ready)
Berkorban untuk negara (To sacrifice for our country)

Bersemarak Malaysia tercinta (Shine, beloved Malaysia)
Kibarkan panji kebesarannya (Lift up her banner of grandeur)
Kami rela menjaga nama mu (We are willing to honour your name)
Sejahtera Malaysia (Peace be unto Malaysia)

The flag bearers for the 11.00am service.
I held the Melaka state flag

⁴ In that day you will say:

"Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.

⁵ Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things;
let this be known to all the world.

⁶ Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,
for great is the Holy One of Israel among you."

Happy 52nd Independence Day, MALAYSIA... Tanah tumpahnya darah-ku...

I LOVE my COUNTRY, do you?

God's Chisel

An email I sent to my cell members recently....

Hey Friends!

Warning: A very loooooong email. Read it when you are really really free.. or if you cannot finish it at one go, take a toilet break, go have a cuppa in between while you read this....

I wonder how's everyone's Saturday afternoon so far. How was cell meet for those who were there last night? Though it was a small group, but still, I hope you're equally blessed as I am (or more). This probably sounds strange but here I am feeling that I wanna let out some 'verbal diarrhoea' which I wasn't able to express out much during last night's cell meet, as those of you who were there, knew that I wasn't feeling very well. Nonetheless, just want to say a big THANK YOU to those who were there for the support and prayers to sustain me through facilitating 'Word' time. Just to share a GOOD GOOD news, I am feeling a LOT more better today! I hardly coughed! YES! Do NOT short change the power of prayer because it takes only a small mustard seed of faith for God to MOVE mountains! And anyone can have the gift of healing, if only you believe!

Anyway, for the benefit of those who were not there last night, we watched a short skit called "God's Chisel"

Yes, it is a message about God chiseling away the unwanted things in our lives. it could have been pride, anger, comparing to others instead of God, lust, pretending to be busy etc.. These flaws in us could have been stuck on us for so long and yet we do not realise it. Just want to say many thanks to all of you openly shared about your experiences, be it past or present, about how God has pruned you out of being your old self, to who you are today. Also, to those who openly acknowledge that we need to change, although it is hard. You guys are awesome, and I love your transparency because it makes me feel a lot better knowing that I am as sinful as you are but we are here to encourage one another to grow out of our hindrances in allowing God to chisel us to who He desires for us to become ==> more like HIS SON.

Just to recap on my testimony for those who were not there, I shared that I used to be a very performance-driven person. Ever since I was young, I have been a stage-person. I used dance, sing, go for story-telling competitions etc a lot.. so yeah, I grew up in an environment where I liked to be noticed and self-image is very important to me. I always wanted to win and I wanted to be excellent in everything I do so that I could sustain the confidence that the people around me have in me. I loves the trophies that I have won and I enjoyed counting them every end of the year during the prize-giving ceremony in school. Yes, I was one of the popular stage girl in school.

After coming out of primary school, I moved away from KL and went up to Penang. When I was in Penang, I felt that I lost a big part of my life. In this little island, no one knew who I am, no one knew that I was a performer etc. I was a nobody. I kept a very low profile. Until 2 years later, I felt that I missed the stage, I decided to participate in a choral speaking competition. During the day of the competition, I felt lots of butterflies in my stomach and I felt very nervous, to the extent that I actually threw up before the competition. I was once the President of the Interact Club, I went up the stage to deliver a speech, I couldn't stop shaking. Many at the at the floor noticed. Through these incidents, I felt that I lost my confidence in myself. I wasn't who I was anymore. I lost my confidence in speaking in public and my desires of being in the limelight just faded away.
Looking back at these experiences, I felt that God was really chiseling me out of many things. He was chiseling me away from being a people-pleaser. He was also chiseling me away from being self-dependent, always thinking that, "it is I who can do it!" He was chiseling me away from being a 'performer'. He knew I was desiring so much to gain the approval of men.

I am not saying that He has finished His works in me. Until today, I believe He is still moulding me and pruning me in my character. In His own way, He is showing me that it is not by my own strength or capabilities that I could do certain things, He was showing me that I needed Him. He had to gently push me out of my insecurities and thoughts of inadequacy to show that His love has no boundaries. He has placed me in places to serve where I felt not too comfortable in (eg. back in Australia, I used to serve in the Worship Ministry). As much as I felt that I didn't want to be 'up there', He placed me 'up there' because in this relationship that we have with Him, HE HOLDS US UP, whenever we fall. And I can testify that. I believe it is the same in many parts of your lives too. In all honesty, yes, it takes a lot of courage for me to come back again, to serve, even to facilitate "Word" time. As mentioned, I fear being in front of a crowd when all eyes are on me. So yes, again, thank you for your support and prayers. I know it probably wasn't the 'best' that I could have done, but you know what, God is not looking for someone who is willing to perform, but He is looking for someone who's wiling to avail themselves, even if it has to take us out of our comfort zone. I really wanna applaud Jonathan for availing himself 2 weeks ago to serve together with me as my faithful guitarist during worship time. Really, like I said, it is not about playing the right keys or sounding great, but just wanna assure you that you were AWESOME that night. I know full well that God is pleased that you are worshipping Him with your Gifts despite your tiredness in preparing for your KK trip, you still came to serve. I wished I said it last night, so that we could applaud you again, but aiya, forgive me for not remembering, so, FRIENDS, let's REPLY to a VIRTUAL applause to JON, ok?? :) *CLAP CLAP CLAP* Looking forward to serving with you more, brother!

I really liked what Colin shared last night, when he said that God is changing us and it is for our benefit, and it is something that will last through eternity (ok la, something like what you said, can't remember the exact words!). Looking back at the trophies that I have won (haha, can check it out at my family hall..), These trophies are just plastic stuff which does not have much substance or use to it. When I leave this world, I can't carry these trophies with me. Through this, I realise one thing, one thing that I am bringing along with me when I meet my Father in Heaven, is ME. I am HIS TROPHY that will last till ETERNITY. I am WORTH IT because I AM HIS MASTERPIECE. I am His PRIZED-POSSESSION.

James 1:18 (NLT) says: "He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession...

Wow, do you get that? Not just me, but you too, are someone’s prized possession! Not just someone’s prized possession; but God Almighty’s prized possession!

Really, why do we have to go through all these painful, chiseling moments in our walk with God, just like how it says in the skit, the moment you said that you want to receive Him as your Lord and Saviour, He never promised that it was going to be easy. But one thing I believe is that, it is worth it. God doesn't create junk. He creates something that he can be PROUD of. When He created you, he said that you are GOOD. The Message Bible says “…showing us off as the crown…” WOW. He wants to chisel you to be more like His son, Jesus Christ, so that he can show us off!How cooool is that?

4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) 6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. 7 So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. - Ephesians 2:4-7 (NLT)

Yes, let us not be picky in how he can shape us. Be open with what He wants to chisel off in you so that you can become is everlasting masterpiece. So yeah, let's do this together as a cell. By His grace, we can be changed!

So, the same question I asked the cell last night,

What is it that God is chiseling away in you right now, and how are you responding to it?

Have a think about it Friends..
Hope you are blessed..... told you it was verbal diarhhoea... (a good one, i hope!) HAHA...

And bless you, fellow blogger reader :)

Heart of Gold

Heart of Gold,
How are you today?
It's been a while since you decided to stay
Are you feeling cold?
I wish your feelings would be told
It's okay if you want to go away
I will give you breathing space
To find yourself a hiding place
Till the end of the day
I just want you to know
You are in my thoughts whenever I pray
So if you don't mind,
Can I ask again,
Heart of Gold,
How are you today?