Heart of Gold,
How are you today?
It's been a while since you decided to stay
Are you feeling cold?
I wish your feelings would be told
It's okay if you want to go away
I will give you breathing space
To find yourself a hiding place
Till the end of the day
I just want you to know
You are in my thoughts whenever I pray
So if you don't mind,
Can I ask again,
Heart of Gold,
How are you today?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
...Safe from the crazy world...
Note: this post was written through a series of time. I just never got around to finishing it till today. heh.
Not too long ago.... (more like a month ago..)
What a strange experience. With the H1N1 flu going around, I was just thnking, what are the chances of it affecting me in any way at all. Papa and mummy did not feel too well (down with fever) after their flight back from Manila so they went for a check-up.
Mum was tested negative on the flu but Pa was tested positive.
I was in the office, and I received a call in the office from the Ministry of Health Dept, and was instructed to leave the office immediately. For a moment there, the little naughty me exclaimed a silent "woohoo~~!!" in my heart =P The whole family had to be quarantined for 7 days. So yeah, I was isolated from being in contact with the outside world for a while.
Some of my friends / colleagues were envious by the thought of being quarantined, thinking that wow, working in the comfort of your own home is a gem! I thought so too, but it didn't take me long to realise that being 'imprisoned' at home is not all that fun after all. I felt that it was pretty bad timing altogether. I missed Lorraine's housewarming cum farewell party (for Joanne, who left for Singapore for a teaching course... and probably will not return any time soon since her other half is permanently settled there. heh.). I really wished I could be there. I even complained to God asking Him why does it have to happen at such a time as this. I felt agitated quite a lot. I felt abandoned. I kept craving for human attention. Yes, I confess that I am a whiner.
At the back of my mind, I felt like beating myself up for having these selfish thoughts in my mind. During one of the evenings when I was sitting outside the porch with Axel (my dog), then it hit me, my heart quietly spoke to me... slowly.. gently.. confessing -- "I miss God." I struggled in seeing the bigger picture, I forgot about asking God why do I have to go through this and what can I learn out of this. Tears welled up my eyes. I don't know how it happened. I guess it's been too long. God missed me too. I had to be plucked away from this crazy routine life that I was going through. Especially with the new job on my plate, the new cell... I just got too caught up. I always prayed asking God for what's instore, how can I change myself to be an impact to others, what can I do to please Him, etc. I got too caught up with striving for being excellent in the doing bit. It seems like I am one of those in the CROWD who wants to do SOMETHING for God, but am not one of those FEW who are willing to just stay behind and do NOTHING with Him. I know, sounds paradoxical, ain't it? He just wanted me. I had to be taken away.... safe from the crazy world, to be with Him.
Often enough, I just forget how big my God is and I run around with what I call the “Martha Syndrome” trying to make everything just right when all I needed to do is just Trust in the LORD with all heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). I was reminded, again that Jesus told us to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to us (Matthew 6:33) That’s what Mary did. She sought Jesus first. Perhaps this can be called the “Mary Solution.”
It's been almost more than a month since then, I'm still going on with my roller coaster ride with God. I know He's really moulding my character in all corners and angles.... gently rebuking my flaws. So many dreams and desires that I really want to see happening, but really, all it takes from the start is to just sit at His feet to enjoy His presence. How can we give when we are not filled?
Father God, I am sorry. And I am running back to you. There's no where better than the warmth of your embrace now. That's where I want to be... safe from a crazy world.
Not too long ago.... (more like a month ago..)
What a strange experience. With the H1N1 flu going around, I was just thnking, what are the chances of it affecting me in any way at all. Papa and mummy did not feel too well (down with fever) after their flight back from Manila so they went for a check-up.
Mum was tested negative on the flu but Pa was tested positive.
I was in the office, and I received a call in the office from the Ministry of Health Dept, and was instructed to leave the office immediately. For a moment there, the little naughty me exclaimed a silent "woohoo~~!!" in my heart =P The whole family had to be quarantined for 7 days. So yeah, I was isolated from being in contact with the outside world for a while.
Some of my friends / colleagues were envious by the thought of being quarantined, thinking that wow, working in the comfort of your own home is a gem! I thought so too, but it didn't take me long to realise that being 'imprisoned' at home is not all that fun after all. I felt that it was pretty bad timing altogether. I missed Lorraine's housewarming cum farewell party (for Joanne, who left for Singapore for a teaching course... and probably will not return any time soon since her other half is permanently settled there. heh.). I really wished I could be there. I even complained to God asking Him why does it have to happen at such a time as this. I felt agitated quite a lot. I felt abandoned. I kept craving for human attention. Yes, I confess that I am a whiner.
At the back of my mind, I felt like beating myself up for having these selfish thoughts in my mind. During one of the evenings when I was sitting outside the porch with Axel (my dog), then it hit me, my heart quietly spoke to me... slowly.. gently.. confessing -- "I miss God." I struggled in seeing the bigger picture, I forgot about asking God why do I have to go through this and what can I learn out of this. Tears welled up my eyes. I don't know how it happened. I guess it's been too long. God missed me too. I had to be plucked away from this crazy routine life that I was going through. Especially with the new job on my plate, the new cell... I just got too caught up. I always prayed asking God for what's instore, how can I change myself to be an impact to others, what can I do to please Him, etc. I got too caught up with striving for being excellent in the doing bit. It seems like I am one of those in the CROWD who wants to do SOMETHING for God, but am not one of those FEW who are willing to just stay behind and do NOTHING with Him. I know, sounds paradoxical, ain't it? He just wanted me. I had to be taken away.... safe from the crazy world, to be with Him.
Often enough, I just forget how big my God is and I run around with what I call the “Martha Syndrome” trying to make everything just right when all I needed to do is just Trust in the LORD with all heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). I was reminded, again that Jesus told us to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to us (Matthew 6:33) That’s what Mary did. She sought Jesus first. Perhaps this can be called the “Mary Solution.”
It's been almost more than a month since then, I'm still going on with my roller coaster ride with God. I know He's really moulding my character in all corners and angles.... gently rebuking my flaws. So many dreams and desires that I really want to see happening, but really, all it takes from the start is to just sit at His feet to enjoy His presence. How can we give when we are not filled?
Father God, I am sorry. And I am running back to you. There's no where better than the warmth of your embrace now. That's where I want to be... safe from a crazy world.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Hey you.
Yeah, you. Reading the blog now.
Wow, it's been almost 3 months since the last one. Seriously, I didn't think anyone would drop by anymore. Anyway, thanks for the shoutouts in the cbox, you two "jie-meis". Feel kinda guilty because I have been dropping by your blogs and really always am blessed and inspired by your posts and I'm being a little selfish not posting anything up lately. Sorry! Looked through my list of drafted posts which I never finished. I think it's a little too late to put it up already. Looks like I have learned to move on. :) I will write some time soon. So really, thanks for faithfully dropping by.
It's a little late on my side and I need that quiet time with God now.
Be patient with me and thanks for caring (yes, i think you care because you still drop by. =D).
Wow, it's been almost 3 months since the last one. Seriously, I didn't think anyone would drop by anymore. Anyway, thanks for the shoutouts in the cbox, you two "jie-meis". Feel kinda guilty because I have been dropping by your blogs and really always am blessed and inspired by your posts and I'm being a little selfish not posting anything up lately. Sorry! Looked through my list of drafted posts which I never finished. I think it's a little too late to put it up already. Looks like I have learned to move on. :) I will write some time soon. So really, thanks for faithfully dropping by.
It's a little late on my side and I need that quiet time with God now.
Be patient with me and thanks for caring (yes, i think you care because you still drop by. =D).
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Update on me..
Currently trying really... really hard to study but I can't seem to get my "engine" to cooperate with me.
Not a big fan of law subjects at all, studying cases of the past honestly, bores me :(
Anyway, besides studies and all, there are certain promises in store coming along the way for me.
Pray for me for this Wednesday, for those who knows what's going on..... Hope it'll be another promise fulfilled. Will share more of it later on when I know the end news of it.
Also, this weekend, Friends cell will be heading up to Cameron Highlands for our cell retreat. It will be our last gathering together as Friends cell as we officiate the multiplication this time round.
I am really waiting for exciting times this weekend.
My prayer is that it will not be just another ordinary retreat, but it will be one where we'll be retreating together with God and really seeking His purpose and will for us as a multiplied cell.
Let's press for a goal and wait in expectation as the Lord speaks into our spirits!
Not a big fan of law subjects at all, studying cases of the past honestly, bores me :(
Anyway, besides studies and all, there are certain promises in store coming along the way for me.
Pray for me for this Wednesday, for those who knows what's going on..... Hope it'll be another promise fulfilled. Will share more of it later on when I know the end news of it.
Also, this weekend, Friends cell will be heading up to Cameron Highlands for our cell retreat. It will be our last gathering together as Friends cell as we officiate the multiplication this time round.
I am really waiting for exciting times this weekend.
My prayer is that it will not be just another ordinary retreat, but it will be one where we'll be retreating together with God and really seeking His purpose and will for us as a multiplied cell.
Let's press for a goal and wait in expectation as the Lord speaks into our spirits!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I'm back again..
It's been tough hanging on with the work pressure and I am glad that I am off for the whole month right now for my study break. Yep, exam's in a month's time. It seems like not too long ago that I mentioned about exams, eh? Never really liked the pressure of exams. I actually do lose my appetite when I get too worked up about not feeling prepared for something. Well, sounds more like I don't like pressure at all! Bah. Who does?
Anyway, that aside, a lot has happened in one go. FRIENDS (yep, that's my cell name) cell has just multiplied on the first week of April. Colin and I are anchoring the new cell together with our cell leader, May Lee. Looking back at how things just fell into place, makes me wanna really stand in awe in the awesomeness of our God. I remember how much I was anticipating on the wait, wondering how things would work out looking at the circumstance, I guess He's proved me wrong again and again in how I perceive Him . We've been praying together even for this new cell, as we sense that God is really going to do great things in us. He laid this parable in Mark 4 in my spirit even as I prayed on...
3"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times."9Then Jesus said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
WoW. What mind boggling words! Really, even as we are just at the tip of the iceberg of growing together as a cell, I really believe that we should not take our "beginnings" lightly. Being a part of the CORE team, my prayer is that the Lord will really work in me inside-out to be that seed that falls in good soil! I really do not want just a temporal emotional rah-rahs, crying bags of tears then carry with me an unwilling heart dragging my feet towards His purpose. I know that's one massive struggling that I am facing even at this point. But really thank God for His endless Grace over my attitude. I can sense greatly that God is opening up doors and opportunities for me to work towards having more time to serve in church. I am claiming this in Jesus' Name and I really believe that this is going to be great testimony to share when it happens!
We have yet to have a name for the new cell.... so, temporarily, we are called "FRIENDS 2". *LoL* we so....need a new name!! The CORE team's been praying for a name, hopefully as we come together as a cell, we'll agree on something that's in line with God's, really really soon! =D
Lord, I am waiting at Your feet.....
PS: HaHA... Charis, it seems like you're my driving motivation to keep posting. Creates that "guilt" in me for not posting whenever you drop cbox messages... teeheee... Be EMPOWERED in the OC this year, babe! =)
Anyway, that aside, a lot has happened in one go. FRIENDS (yep, that's my cell name) cell has just multiplied on the first week of April. Colin and I are anchoring the new cell together with our cell leader, May Lee. Looking back at how things just fell into place, makes me wanna really stand in awe in the awesomeness of our God. I remember how much I was anticipating on the wait, wondering how things would work out looking at the circumstance, I guess He's proved me wrong again and again in how I perceive Him . We've been praying together even for this new cell, as we sense that God is really going to do great things in us. He laid this parable in Mark 4 in my spirit even as I prayed on...
3"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times."9Then Jesus said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
WoW. What mind boggling words! Really, even as we are just at the tip of the iceberg of growing together as a cell, I really believe that we should not take our "beginnings" lightly. Being a part of the CORE team, my prayer is that the Lord will really work in me inside-out to be that seed that falls in good soil! I really do not want just a temporal emotional rah-rahs, crying bags of tears then carry with me an unwilling heart dragging my feet towards His purpose. I know that's one massive struggling that I am facing even at this point. But really thank God for His endless Grace over my attitude. I can sense greatly that God is opening up doors and opportunities for me to work towards having more time to serve in church. I am claiming this in Jesus' Name and I really believe that this is going to be great testimony to share when it happens!
We have yet to have a name for the new cell.... so, temporarily, we are called "FRIENDS 2". *LoL* we so....need a new name!! The CORE team's been praying for a name, hopefully as we come together as a cell, we'll agree on something that's in line with God's, really really soon! =D
Lord, I am waiting at Your feet.....
PS: HaHA... Charis, it seems like you're my driving motivation to keep posting. Creates that "guilt" in me for not posting whenever you drop cbox messages... teeheee... Be EMPOWERED in the OC this year, babe! =)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I am a sucker for guitars....
...yeah I am....
Felt connected with this song as I was browsing randomly on youtube....
Couldn't find the original version by "By the Tree" but here's the cover version by this 2 Singaporean brothers which really blew me away too~!
When I'm broken, You're the missing piece
When I'm empty, You are my drink
When I'm tired, You are my strength
You are my desire
No one else will do
Only You can satisfy
No one Lord but You
Surround me this is what I pray
That Your presence will guide me through each day
By Your mercy Lord, in me, have Your way
You are my Desire
No one else will do
Nothing else can satisfy
No one Lord but You
You've given me a passion to follow You
To worship You Lord in spirit, in truth
I have found the warmth of Your embrace
Lost in the shadows of Your grace
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
What I listen on repeat mode now..
Got this CD as a gift for serving in the "Resonate" service organising team. Had it with me some time ago but never got around to paying much attention to it until a few days back. Great CD with simple, uncomplicated lyrics. Track 08 particularly got hold of my spiritman. Tried looking for a youtube version of the song to put it up here but to no avail. Ah well.. nonetheless, I believe the words speak powerfully on its own...
... may it lift your spirit the way it's lifting mine now.
"SURRENDER"... may it lift your spirit the way it's lifting mine now.
Everything that was
Is in Your hands
And all that is to come
I give to You
Take control
This life belongs to You
Forgive me Lord
For walking my own road
Take control
Jesus take control
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
Now and forever
I surrender
I surrender
I surrender
To You
To You
That I may hear Your voice
That I may know Your heart
That I would see Your world
Through the eyes of hope
This my prayer oh God
This my prayer
Words and Music by Jaye Liubinskas
© 2007 Paradise Worship
Administered by Word Publishing Australia
CCLI # 4992192
PS: Special thanks to Mr G for picking the CD. Good choice :)
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