When our faith is tested by fire..

Ever felt that when you're serving Him so actively that sometimes you wonder why you do what you do and yet it's so easy to recite to yourself that you serve Him and His people because you KNOW His son died for you on the cross, paid for your sins and gave up everything for you just because He loves you. And you feel that it's only natural to reciprocate that love but, sometimes it's easy to give it back and some other times, you feel that you can't seem to remember how to translate that knowledge into a conviction?

I couldn't help but remember the times when I felt that apathy was slowly chewing into my thoughts during my journey with God. I felt that I misplaced something. Where is the fire? Where is my passion? I can't push myself to love someone I have no feelings for. I have failed God. When my faith hits the wall, I often beat myself up with frustration and insecurity, my heart filled with sense of guilt thinking that I seriously am not deserving of His love.

The greatest inspiration that helped me to pick myself up again during these moments is when I am reminded of Apostle Peter. This is a man who discovered that Christ knew his flawed heart and wanted to transform him.

We know that Peter is one who's heart is very willing to go all out for Jesus. However, Jesus' words must have shocked him greatly when he said that he will be a betrayer unto him, not once, but 3 times (Luke 22:33-34)!
With the words fresh in his mind, Peter even tried proving himself by protecting Jesus from being taken away by slitting off one of the soldier's ear during the commotion. Interestingly, Jesus healed the soldier's ear and Peter had to step aside. Peter must have been utterly confused at that moment! As we know, the prophesy that Jesus spoke came to past. Peter did disown Jesus 3 times before the rooster crowed the next morning. Nothing could have described that agony within Peter when he realised what he had done. When it mattered most, he failed. He probably felt that he lost his conscience. He didn't know himself, and he didn't know Jesus.

Notice these verses below as Jesus reinstates Peter in John 21:15-17.

15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.

Peter used the word 'know' that translates God's omniscient characteristic. He knows Peter will disown him 3 times but by seeing through his heart, he knows he really loves him. Notice the compassion that Christ has for this passionate, brave but imperfect man? He entrusted Peter with a mission of his lifetime. After Christ's ascension, Peter became a changed man. He truly became 'the rock' that Jesus established him to be and became the head of Christ's followers. His downfall made him rise up again. Just when he thought that all was over, it was actually only just the beginning!

It was during the last meal that Jesus gave Peter one of the greatest gifts of all. Peter just didn't recognise it at that moment. Jesus told him, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22:31-32).

Sometimes we may feel disappointed by our carnal attitudes that we feel stuck in a situation that we wish we could fix immediately. We may feel like we fell into a deep pit and we don't even remember how we got in there, and it's so deep that we don't know how to save ourselves out from it.
Just like Peter, we may fail God many times in our walks with Him but ultimately God will prevail, and no matter how we fall, our faith will still stand because Jesus is praying for us!! Way before we fall, he has already covered and protected us in his prayers! Your fall may be an opportunity for him to let you taste that first love that he's given you, again. It's like when you live in a city, you can easily find McDonald's anywhere. It's so easy to find that you don't crave for it as much. But when you are placed in a land far, far away (joining Mr Shrek, HAHA =P) with no McD's available, you kinda forgot how good the burgers taste. And when you're back in the city again, tasting it again after so long makes it tastes just as good as the first time you tasted it.
I hope I am making some sense here!! =P

Friends, if you are down in your faith, you felt like you forgot how to love God, do not be dismayed. Based on the portrayal of Peter's life, he forgotten Jesus 3 times, but he found his first love again, through his mistakes! I truly believe that it is just the beginning. Turn back and go strengthen your brothers (Luke 22:32b)! Your downfalls are your transformation moments which are going to be beautiful testimonies shared to encourage others and also, glorify His Name!

"If you think you cannot love God, you are wrong, the problem is you do not really know how much HE loves you." - Author unknown.

PS: Dear brother-in-Christ (you know who you are :P), as promised, here's the revelation I was meant to share with you. I hope this post spoke to you... ^_^