Perhaps.... Maybe because of the thorns around them. It hurts. The roses get overshadowed by our seas of pains. However, when you take a couple of steps backwards, the roses are actually more prominent than the thorns. The thorns are probably just a fraction of it (or even lesser!). Only God can make life's roses beautiful. We can only water it. Perhaps sometimes even with our tears.
Thus says the Lord : “A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.” Thus says the Lord : “Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord, and they shall come back from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future, declares the Lord, and your children shall come back to their own country. I have heard Ephraim grieving, ‘You have disciplined me, and I was disciplined, like an untrained calf; bring me back that I may be restored, for you are the Lord my God. For after I had turned away, I relented, and after I was instructed, I struck my thigh; I was ashamed, and I was confounded, because I bore the disgrace of my youth.’ Is Ephraim my dear son? Is he my darling child? For as often as I speak against him, I do remember him still. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, declares the Lord. ~Jeremiah 31:15-20 A timely reminder...
I'd rather lie in a bed of roses and let the fragrance remind me of God's eternal love for me.
Give me that 999 roses.
I don't mind the thorns.
So you know what, I agree to disagree...
Life IS a Bed of Roses.
“The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” ~ Hebrews 13:6
I've been going to the movies a little more often than I used to. The most recent one that goes into the list of movies watched is "The Lone Survivor". A pretty intense yet heart-wrenching movie based on a true story about a group of Navy SEAL who participated in the Operation Red Wings in Afghanistan.
Here's an excerpt of what the movie's about: "The movie is based on the Marcus Luttrell book by the same name. It examines how four SEALs -- Luttrell, Mike Murphy, Danny Dietz, and Matt Axelson -- were dropped onto an Afghanistan mountain on a reconnaissance mission, in 2005, to determine if a major Taliban leader, who had killed many American troops, was in a particular village. Unfortunately, an elderly goat herder, a teenage boy, and a child came upon them, compromising the mission. The fatal decision was made to release the Afghanis who notified the Taliban of the SEAL presence. A furious firefight ensued, killing three SEALs, and another sixteen special forces operatives died in a helicopter crash while attempting a rescue mission. Luttrell, the "lone survivor," was rescued by a Pashto village chief who provided him safety from the Taliban and medical aid for his major wounds, and sent a messenger to notify the American military." Source: The American Thinker After watching the movie, I got onto the internet and looked up the background of this movie and found some short interviews with the real "Lone Survivor", Marcus Luttrell. I was particularly astounded by this one.
Interviewer: “One of the emotions that I felt, while watching the film is first of all the hopelessness of the situation — how horrific it was and also just all that loss of life of these brave American men.." Luttrell: "I don’t know what part of the film you were watching, but hopelessness really never came into it....I mean, where did you see that? Because there was never a point where we just felt like we were hopelessly lost or anything like that. We never gave up. We never felt like we were losing until we were actually dead....We spend our whole lives training to defend this country and then we were sent over there by this country — so you’re telling me because we were over there doing what we were told by our country that it was senseless? And my guys — what? They died for nothing?" Wow. That came back pretty hard. But that stirred me to think. The tagline of the movie says it, "based on true act of courage". These men trained all their lives believing in their calling to serve their nation. They fought with courage and were willing to give up their lives for what they believed they were called for. Hopelessness was not even in the radar at all. They were focused. They had a mindset that they fought from victory's side. They never lost till they were dead. If they died, they'd rather die in the battlefield. They'd rather die doing what they were called to do. Luttrell's response got me really thinking. Am I willing to die for "my calling"? The fact that sometimes I carelessly recite this to myself, "To Live is Christ, to Die is Gain". Hang on, isn't this line quite... "senseless"? I believe these men probably understood their mandate in life no matter how "senseless" it was to a normal person, they lived for it and died for it. What about me? Do I see hopelessness around me or am I willing to strive in hope until I really die for "something"?
We often describe some things that are so desirable and good as something "to die for".
Chocolates are to die for...
Ice creams are to die for....
That awesome torny durians are to die for....
What about.... desiring... Him?
Is it worth dying for?
Do I really have what it takes to press on in hope for what I believe in?
Only the test of time and reality would tell. And I believe the trials are not far away. It's happening already.
Gotta pick up the armour and sharpen that sword to be ready for battle (Ephesians 6). Perhaps, and hopefully die a hero not just for one day, but for an eternal cause.
"I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing, by the wall (by the wall)
And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be Heroes, just for one day....."
~David Bowie~
(Covered by Peter Gabriel from the OST of "The Lone Survivor")
What does it feel like when the heart sticks loosely at the sleeves? Imagine that heart stuck on the sleeves by some cello-tape which holds it on "imprudently". Imagine just more emotions pouring into it.
It gets heavier, it might just lose its ability to hang on then when it cannot take the weight anymore, it helplessly falls downwards, downwards, downwards. Why is it that when you love, you "fall" in love? Why that vulnerable verb? It's hard to comprehend the kind of message its trying to convey. Feelings don't come in labels. Maybe that's why I find it quite scary to feel with my heart. Stricken by the thought of trying to pick up a fallen heart. Hence I process my feelings with my mind. Someone once said to me, "Mir, stop feeling with your head. How about think with your heart?" A pretty interesting thought. Then how do you resolve this when it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Uncanny, isn't it? I've resorted to "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."So the word says "guard your heart". Maybe in some ways I guard it like I own it. I don't want anyone to see my secret garden. And I build my fences around it with so many markers that no one gets to come in. Sometimes even the Father.
Although the heart is unpredictable, the mind cannot process it, I've come to realise that the heart is quite a champ in holding itself together. It is capable of mending itself, self-repair, even after falling into the wrong pits, injuring itself. For some reason, its the "most devoted body part". It climbs itself back up again. It's almost like when you fall and bruise yourself, the old skin peels off, fresh wounds hurt so bad, but a new layer of skin just regenerates by itself and it heals. It's a revelation to me that it's actually ok to open up that fence a little to let that body part explore itself and let it do what it should. Feel. It just knows what to do. Because the Creator has made it perfect. Just how it should be. Just let it be. So, Heart, you might appreciate this, "THANK YOU", Heart, for being the most devoted body part. ;)
Take care of the heart. But don't guard it too hard.
Believe it or not, tomorrow's New Year's Eve already! Before the year ends I believe that 2013 actually deserves at least one blog post! I'm gonna just quickly run through how 2013 was like for me.
I'll sum it up to 3 memorable moments in 2013 (I was gonna consider going with 13, but.. I just got a little lazy!) And I guess to make it easier, I decided to go along with the 3 words that described 2013 for me which I wrote in a bookmark when I did a personal reflection together with my Cell Members.
TADDAA..
I'll go with pictures and let it paint the words and I'll also add on with some touch ups and thoughts :) FOOTPRINTS
I sang farewell to PwC!
Continuation from the previous blog post, yes I have kept my word and left the market place after 4.5 years! 1 year doing Audit and 3.5 years in Business Research. I will not trade it for anything. The memories are so precious to me. I really wanted to leave a "FootPrint" behind before I go so I prayed and asked God for an inspiration. Then I had this thought, instead of giving a conventional farewell speech, how about singing them some songs?! Well, I typically don't like being put in the limelight and speaking in front of a crowd is not my thing, but it seems like God tends to inspire me to do crazy things that require me to be in front of crowds. Accks... Anyways, if it's to make His name known.... I'll go for it.... so... I DID IT! My colleagues who were part of the little surprise item were very supportive and I am glad I was crazy enough to do it! I sang "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless and also did a rendition of Dionne Warwick's "That's What Friends Are For" and titled it "I'm Gonna Miss You All". This would definitely be one of the highlights of my entire LIFE. You can watch the recording hereif you like :) Also wrote a farewell email note that was a little out of this world that caught some of the Partners' attention. HeeHee... it came with a twist from my first ever write-up introducing myself to PwC in June 2008. I actually have it here in one of my very old post .
Yeah, they pretty much "kicked" me out.
JOY & PEACE
Ze New Work Station
YES! I've boldly entered into full time ministry! It's been a steep learning curve for me this year. A totally fresh new beginning, environment, colleagues etc.
And yes these are my awesomest colleagues in the whole wide world (ok, a bit of an "overkill" but I still biasedly think they are la) ! Many people patted me on the back and wished me "good luck" when they heard the news that I was gonna come in as Pr Lee Choo's PA. Well, guess what, it's been a joyful and peaceful journey! I never regretted my decision and working under PLC is really mind-blowing and very fulfilling. Perhaps not many people would want to be in my shoe but I consider it a huge privilege to be where I am right now! I'm privileged to be given the opportunity to observe and learn from one of the most inspiring woman of God! I remember driving through the highway rushing to her home to pick up an important document and dashed in lighting speed to the airport to pass her the document. In the midst of that drive, I plucked a smile on my face knowing deep down inside that I am at the right place at the right time in this season of my life. That thought probably came at the oddest moment, but I just knew in my heart, I loved being part of a strangely indescribable bigger picture of what's God doing this season.
Me & the New Boss
Another big moment that describes my joy and peace... My privilege to set foot on one of the most beautiful place on earth, God's holy ground, Ba'kelalan.
Their hospitality was top class and they fed us to the brim and we ate like there's no tomorrow!
Memory of a lifetime! The spiritual atmosphere in this land is unsurprisingly out of the ordinary. I could feel the chills (well not just because it's up at the mountains)and the presence of God was almost like it's tangible. I remember praying for a friend up in the prayer house. I've never heard God so clearly before, that I knew it was the word for him. I shared it with him and he was deeply ministered to.
Ibu Maria
Ibu Maria, one of the revivalist prayed for me and gave me a Lun Bawang name, "Ineng", which means "precious daughter". We had an unplanned "kebaktian" on our second night there, Pr Dan was asked to share a message to bless the village people. He shared about the passing of the Moses anointing to the Joshua's Generation. During the closing of the session, Pr Dan invited us to pray for the older "Moses Generation" for blessings and also strength despite their advanced age. I felt rather unworthy of doing so but was deeply honoured to do so. Some of the "Ibu-Ibu"s wept tears and I sense their hunger and vulnerability towards God. In return, they also prayed for us. Our team was surrounded by them in a circle. One Ibu who was standing in front of me took a step forward and hugged me tightly, she wept tears on my chest and wailed loudly for quite some time. I don't know how to describe the feeling running through my heart and mind at that point (writing this still gives me the chills like it just happened yesterday), I couldn't help it and I teared as well. Then she started to speak out. I couldn't decipher if she was speaking in Lun Bawang (her native language) or in spiritual tongues. I just knew in my heart that something was taking place. Perhaps a spiritual transaction, a passing on of an anointing. When the service ended, our Guide came to me and spoke with me. He told me something that blew my mind. The lady who was praying for me, she's one of the prophetess who was present during the revival that took place in 1984 and her name is.... "INENG". Wow. Just wow. STRETCHED Gearing up towards the 3rd quarter of the year, things got busier and busier. SOLID Assignments start piling up, retreats after retreats, Cell Harvest, the list goes on... It's been stretchingggggg..... nonetheless, very fulfilling.
Silent Retreat @ Bentong
I love this quote.
How I describe SOLID in an acronym ;)
Cell Harvest with people close to my heart! ;)
Just when I thought that I was ready to wind down for the year. God wasn't done with me yet. 3 words were just not enough to describe my 2013. One of the most significant event in my life took place. It all started from this SOLID class....
Pr Chew teaching Expository Preaching. Preach it like da boss!
When I signed up for SOLID class, inside of me, I exclaimed.... "oh my gahhh!!" when I saw Expo Preaching (Practical) as one of the classes. I was quite tempted to drop the subject because I wanted to escape public speaking. I'm fearful of speaking in front of a crowd. However, time and time again, it seems that God is challenging me to step out of my comfort zone. I had to preach a 15-minute sermon during staff devotion. I wanted to preach on something that I've personally internalised and the word that God gave me for that season was "A Fresh Vision of Jesus". The thought that came to me was to look for passages that speaks about blind men. Then I came across Mark 8:22-26 and I knew this was the passage I should preach on.
Check out my sermon script! Fuuwahh!
It was a lot of effort put in to research and exegete the Word. Phew, I applaud our pastors or generally just any preacher out there who preach expository sermons...it's really a lot of work! On 3 December 2013, I preached it to the staff team. Pr Chew heard the message for the first time, he encouraged me on a message well delivered and he felt that this message was for a larger audience. And he got Pr Lee Choo to speak with me and encouraged me to co-preach with her in the main service. My heart almost fell out of the window when Pr Lee Choo gave me a call and extended this opportunity to me. After much thought, I felt that if this was God's word for the season and it's for His people, I should not withhold and I should preach it out.
So, on 22 December, I delivered my first maiden sermon in the pulpit of SIBKL church together with Pr Lee Choo.
In Bangunan Yin
In SMCC
YES, I DID IT. I still cannot believe it! I felt like a donkey
(refer toprevious post about ASS-es :P) being used by Jesus to preach to thousands.
It was an eventful year for me.
So how did the year go for me, I'd say, I've been HUMBLED.
The year is coming to a close in a few hours' time as I;m typing this out, I'm starting to realise how God's been journeying with me faithfully this year. It is indeed a NEW SEASON and a NEW MOMENTUM...
At the beginning of 2013, Pr Chew's first sermon says, "DON'T STOP NOW!"... and now as I end the year, I believe I shouldn't stop here, I'm gonna live out the FRESH JESUS that Jesus had put inside of me...
Mark 8:22-26
1.I need to TARRY – beg him for it!
2.I need to be TAKEN AWAY – get out of your current condition!
3.I need to be TOUCHED – by Jesus
4.I need to TRAVAIL – don’t settle for better! Ask for MORE! Get a FRESH VISION from God!!!
Sermon Art courtesy of the SIBKL MaC team :)
OK, I'll make that 4 memorable moments.... fine, I lost count. God's just been way too good to me ;D Looking forward to an even greater year ahead! 2014... here I come!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!!
One of the biggest questions that I have been asking myself of late. Have I been giving my best to the Lord? Whatever I am doing right now, am I doing this for Him? Or for myself? What actually, is the definition of "my best"?
I feel restless and dissatisfied despite all that I am doing now. Am I living a life that's actually worthy of His calling? Or have I carelessly misplaced the devotion that I should have for Him in the midst of chasing my dreams and desires? The busyness of the months and years of my youth ticking past just with the blink of an eye almost as fast as a bullet train. The oxymoron of being contented yet dissatisfied comes into the picture, once again. Living in my late 20s, I thought, perhaps giving my prime years to God before I "settle down", have a husband and 2.5 kids (by God's grace, that is!) could at least be the best that I can give to Him now. I actually had some things planned out in mind, I even crafted what I thought I'd do. The thought of full time ministry did cross my mind in the early years of my faith, but I still struggle with the idea of me doing this some day. I cannot imagine that day coming. Hmm... maybe next time. God has His own sense of humour. Just 2 months back, I was given an offer that I found it extremely hard to say yes to.
....I was offered a position to be a full time staff in church. (so soon?!) Seriously? You'd probably change your mind if you really got to know the person underneath this skin. Sorry, I would likely disappoint you. I can be selfish enough to turn it down. I took almost 2 months to pray about it. Thinking of the possible 'what ifs' ahead. This wasn't what I was asking for. I had it all sort of planned out already. I know what works for me and what fits me best (At least I thought so!). I thought I already had it all planned out. Since a few years back, I thought that one day I would go in full time with Generasi Gemilang (GG). Why did this offer had to come in the way to complicate things? I struggled between both choices. So I made plans to still go ahead to apply for a job in GG. On the day of the interview, I believed everything went well. But one thing that I didn't have when I walked out of the interview was... PEACE. I struggled with that feeling inside of me asking myself why. Most of the time, it's just so much easier to give Him my leftovers. It's easy to sing, "Lord I offer my life to You" but difficult to live it out. Does it actually matter? After all, everyone struggles with it and I am no different. Until when I am not so busy, I will devote more time for your work, God. I will only be a shepherd after I am a manager, God.
Then I remembered the scripture about Cain and Abel. I did a mini study about it and came about some insights about it. “And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto Jehovah. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And Jehovah had respect unto Abel and to his offering: but unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell” (Gen. 4:3-5). Cain and Abel gave offerings to God. Cain gave God an offering from his garden and Abel from his flock. Why was God not pleased with Cain's offering? Why did He prefer Abel's? After all, both of them did sacrifice something. Why was He so nit-picky about it? I would think that they gave to God what they could. But wait a minute, did they actually give their best to God? Was that really their personal best?
Then it struck me that God was actually looking at the condition of their hearts. Cain gave his leftovers (whatever he's comfortable with and convenient), Abel gave his everything. In line with that, I believe God was looking into my heart condition as well. When I say I want to give my best to God during my prime years, is going to GG my best? Or giving myself full time in church? Yes, working in GG and in church still serves similiar purposes, just like Cain and Abel's personal sacrifices, but what's the heart condition behind both? Then I figured it out eventually.... in my personal condition, going to GG would not be "my best". That could be someone else's "best". But I know honestly that it's not my "best" for God. Going into the GG would be where I would feel comfortable and it's convenient. If I were to label myself, if I took that path this season, I would fall under the category of the many "Cains" of this world. Though very difficult, I want to give an "Abel sacrifice". Recently, a friend, Chia Yen passed away after battling lung cancer for slightly over a year. She left behind her husband and her beautiful 4-year-old daughter. She was only 32. Her death was an awakening for me when I observed the life that she lived since the days I knew her in my first church in Brisbane. She was a true shepherd to many and chose to serve full time in church as an administrator since she graduated. She held a Masters degree. After moving back to her home country in Singapore, she was attached to Focus on the Family. Though I don't know her very well, I followed her blog , despite her challenges in battling cancer, just by observing the way she lived her life, her obedience to just give her best years to God, that really stirred me even more in affirming the words that God instilled in me. Life can be so short. How would I know if I could actually live till I'm 40 and say that, "OK God, now I'm comfortable enough to serve you full time, so where were we at when we talked about this about 10+ years ago??" What if my time on the face of this earth ends at 32 years? During my final breaths, would I be regretting that I didn't just take this step to give my prime years to God? What if this season is all I have to give?
On Thursday, I did the unthinkable. I submitted my resignation letter. The irony, I felt a strong sense of relief and peace in me. I knew I made the right choice. Next year 2013, a new season and new momentum begins. The next two years of my life is dedicated to Him. I'm coming in to His house and my boss is literally that Big guy up in heaven! In the eyes of the world, I may look like I am moving backward, but you know, sometimes moving backward is a way of moving forward in the eyes of God! When I move "backwards", I take a step back from my "auto-piloted" life, I'm moving forward in my faith journey with God. I'm nervous but yet, shoooo... excited at the same time! A new chapter awaits!!
I don't know what the future holds but I trust and believe that when you give your best to God, He will not shortchange you.
So, are you a Cain or an Abel in
your offerings to God??
(Psst.. btw, GG is still hiring, anyone here feels called to apply to go full time there? They are doing an awesome job in the community!! *winks* that could be your "best"... )
"Live everyday like it is your last.
Don't waste it, but steward the gift of life well.
Lose it to gain it back."
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18
"JESUS IT IS YOU"
Music & Lyrics by Ben Manusama Verse 1: Who makes the sun to rise And bring the earth new life in every beam Jesus it is You Who turns the day to night And watches me as I begin to dream Jesus it is You Who brings me food for my table Who cares for all of my needs Who walks the road with me Has grown with me Through all that I have been Jesus it is You Jesus it is You Chorus: I lift my hands I bring my song All of my days All of my rights, all of my wrongs I offer my life Here and beyond To the One thing true Jesus it is You Verse 2: Who sees my brokenness And carries me when I am frail and weak Jesus it is You Who tells the storm to rest When I am overwhelmed and cannot speak Jesus it is You Who wears my guilt on His shoulders Who holds my heart in His hands Who takes my thoughts and fears And hangs them on the arms of Calvary Jesus it is You Jesus it is You
"The greatest things take time And though I know that's wise but its hard when your heart wants something more truth is i'm super strong I've waited for so long but I can't pretend it I'm a sucker for romance I know this was planned before time We wanna do this, do this right I wasn't look out for answers I wasn't looking for a cure I was just hoping and waiting for my turn I wasn't looking for adventure, no I wasn't trying to save the world I was just looking, I was looking out for love Open my eyes see your the surprises my life has brought so far When is right you'll walk into my life I'm gonna wait for that day." ~Sophie Joy Madison
