Banner

Photo taken from fanpop.com

A white banner....can mean many things. 
A sign of surrender
A sign symbolising peace
A change in one's life
A strength and a certainty that no one can shake
A soul intact in the midst of chaos
Standing for something one believes in
Not living by someone else's opinion

"Banner"
By Lights

Maybe it's bricks and mortar now

Whether or not they run it down

I don't want anything to shake that shape away

No one told us which way to come

Nobody mapped oblivion

So I go growing roses in the disarray

Just like most

Falling head in

'Til my ghost

Fills the bed in

So lift it up

Like a banner

Hold it up

Over me

If this war 

Is never ending

I'll take this love

Down with me

Down with me

I don't need fate to give it time

It doesn't take pain to change your mind

No weapon can sever the soul from me

Not the sorceress

Not the money

All my cleverness

All my cunning

So lift it up

Like a banner

Hold it up

Over me

If this war

Is never ending

I'll take this love

Down with me

Down with me

It's around me in my surroundings

It's counts me when it starts the counting

In the chaos, there is a standard

I'm carrying it

----------------------------------------------------

Psalms 20 (The Message)

God answer you on the day you crash,

The name God-of-Jacob put you out of harm’s reach,

Send reinforcements from Holy Hill,

Dispatch from Zion fresh supplies,

Exclaim over your offerings,

Celebrate your sacrifices,

Give you what your heart desires,

Accomplish your plans.

When you win, we plan to raise the roof

and lead the parade with our banners.

May all your wishes come true!

That clinches it—help’s coming,

an answer’s on the way,

everything’s going to work out.

----------------------------------------------------

Holding on to the white banner of love that God gives me in the 
midst of these uncertain times. 
An answer is on the way.

Love Is A Verb

Recently I did a strength finder test and interestingly  I scored a full-blown score where all five of my strengths fall under the "Relationship" quadrant. So it claims to say that "Relationships / People" matter very highly to me. Looking through my strength analysis, I couldn't help but ask myself if I was a people-pleaser or because I truly "love" them. 

How do you sincerely love? God says in His word that He commands for us to love. But if love is some kind of emotion, can it be commanded? Can one command someone to stop being sad, angry? Surely not. If we are merely actors, yes perhaps you can pretend and "act" the emotion out. How does one give something that they don't have? 

The most comprehensive description of love is found in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13. It speaks of the practical side of "agape" love. It is the kind of love shown in response to what life throws at you, be it challenges, disappointments, heartbreaks, discouragement etc. The passage doesn't speak of what love really is, but upon what love does and what it does not do. When I think of "doing", I think of a tangible action, something one can see, at least with the physical eye. Like an action. Maybe that's why some say love is not just a noun, it is a verb. It's more than sentimental, like most 21st century songs suggest. So if love is a verb, what sort of "action" is it really talking about? Is it about getting flowers for your loved one on every important occasion, making sure the trash is thrown out every night, the kids are picked up from school on time, remember to call her every end of the night before you sleep, etc? Maybe, maybe not. 

In God's terms, the weight of the verb that holds the word "love" is so much more than that. It is not just merely a verb that reaches out towards how you make others feel. It is a verb that reaches out to ourselves first. A verb that works inside of us. God's kind of love describes a character that is out of this world.  

All these "love is a verb", have I got it wrong all this while? Have I been allowing the "verb in love" work inside of me? The verb that is unseen within me yet silently works in action? 

It says Love...

...never gives up (suffers long and is kind) 

...cares more for others than for self (does not envy)

...doesn’t want what it doesn’t have(parade itself)

...doesn’t strut (is not puffed up)

...doesn’t have a swelled head (not puffed up)

...doesn’t force itself on others (does not behave rudely)

...isn’t always “me first,”(does not seek its own)

...doesn’t fly off the handle (is not provoked)

...doesn’t keep score of the sins of others (thinks no evil)

...doesn’t revel when others grovel (does not rejoice in iniquity)

...takes pleasure in the flowering of truth (but rejoices in the truth)

...puts up with anything (bears all things)

...trusts God always (believes all things)

...always looks for the best (hopes all things)

...never looks back 

...but keeps going to the end (endures all things...tenacity to keep believing and going) 

1 Corinthians 13 (The Message / NKJV emphasis added)

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

Love is almost like a verb that goes against human nature. It is like dying to ourselves. In fact, when we associate love with "death", love can even be a painful, hurtful one. Precisely what we saw when Jesus bore it all on the cross. 

How's the verb coming out of me making you feel lately? Love is not a thing. You can't really see it. Love is not something I own. I can't give what I don't have. I need the source of love to reach out to me and fill me daily. Let not my love for you be something I just scream because you don't need my words to know. Let Love be a verb that works in me and what comes out of me makes you feel loved. 

So when I say "I love you", sometimes you may or may not see it, 
but more importantly I hope you feel it more.

Surely, Love is a unique kind of verb. 

"Love Is A Verb"

Love is a verb

It ain't a thing

It's not something you own

It's not something you scream

When you show me love

I don't need your words

Yeah love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

Love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

Love ain't a crutch

It ain't an excuse

No you can't get through love

On just a pile of IOUS

Love ain't a drug

Despite what you've heard

Yeah love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

Love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

So you gotta show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

That love is a verb

Yeah you gotta show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

That love is a verb

Love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

John Mayer, Love is a Verb, 
from his album "Born and Raised"

A Bed of Roses

The saying says, "Life is not a bed of roses".

Perhaps.... Maybe because of the thorns around them. It hurts. The roses get overshadowed by our seas of pains. However, when you take a couple of steps backwards, the roses are actually more prominent than the thorns. The thorns are probably just a fraction of it (or even lesser!). Only God can make life's roses beautiful. We can only water it. Perhaps sometimes even with our tears.

Thus says the Lord : “A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.” Thus says the Lord : “Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord, and they shall come back from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future, declares the Lord, and your children shall come back to their own country. I have heard Ephraim grieving, ‘You have disciplined me, and I was disciplined, like an untrained calf; bring me back that I may be restored, for you are the Lord my God. For after I had turned away, I relented, and after I was instructed, I struck my thigh; I was ashamed, and I was confounded, because I bore the disgrace of my youth.’ Is Ephraim my dear son? Is he my darling child? For as often as I speak against him, I do remember him still. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, declares the Lord. ~Jeremiah 31:15-20

A timely reminder...

I'd rather lie in a bed of roses and let the fragrance remind me of God's eternal love for me. 

Give me that 999 roses. 

I don't mind the thorns.

So you know what, I agree to disagree...

Life IS a Bed of Roses. 

 “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” ~ Hebrews 13:6 

To Die For?

I've been going to the movies a little more often than I used to. The most recent one that goes into the list of movies watched is "The Lone Survivor". A pretty intense yet heart-wrenching movie based on a true story about a group of Navy SEAL who participated in the Operation Red Wings in Afghanistan.

Here's an excerpt of what the movie's about: 

"The movie is based on the Marcus Luttrell book by the same name.  It examines how four SEALs -- Luttrell, Mike Murphy, Danny Dietz, and Matt Axelson -- were dropped onto an Afghanistan mountain on a reconnaissance mission, in 2005, to determine if a major Taliban leader, who had killed many American troops, was in a particular village.  Unfortunately, an elderly goat herder, a teenage boy, and a child came upon them, compromising the mission.  The fatal decision was made to release the Afghanis who notified the Taliban of the SEAL presence.  A furious firefight ensued, killing three SEALs, and another sixteen special forces operatives died in a helicopter crash while attempting a rescue mission.  Luttrell, the "lone survivor," was rescued by a Pashto village chief who provided him safety from the Taliban and medical aid for his major wounds, and sent a messenger to notify the American military."

Source: The American Thinker 

After watching the movie, I got onto the internet and looked up the background of this movie and found some short interviews with the real "Lone Survivor", Marcus Luttrell. I was particularly astounded by this one. 




Interviewer: “One of the emotions that I felt, while watching the film is first of all the hopelessness of the situation — how horrific it was and also just all that loss of life of these brave American men.."

Luttrell: "I don’t know what part of the film you were watching, but hopelessness really never came into it....I mean, where did you see that? Because there was never a point where we just felt like we were hopelessly lost or anything like that. We never gave up. We never felt like we were losing until we were actually dead....We spend our whole lives training to defend this country and then we were sent over there by this country — so you’re telling me because we were over there doing what we were told by our country that it was senseless? And my guys — what? They died for nothing?"

Wow. That came back pretty hard. But that stirred me to think. The tagline of the movie says it, "based on true act of courage".  These men trained all their lives believing in their calling to serve their nation. They fought with courage and were willing to give up their lives for what they believed they were called for. Hopelessness was not even in the radar at all. They were focused. They had a mindset that they fought from victory's side. They never lost till they were dead. If they died, they'd rather die in the battlefield. They'd rather die doing what they were called to do. 

Luttrell's response got me really thinking.  Am I willing to die for "my calling"? The fact that sometimes I carelessly recite this to myself, "To Live is Christ, to Die is Gain". Hang on, isn't this line quite... "senseless"? I believe these men probably understood their mandate in life no matter how "senseless" it was to a normal person, they lived for it and died for it. What about me? Do I see hopelessness around me or am I willing to strive in hope until I really die for "something"? 

We often describe some things that are so desirable and good as something "to die for". 

Chocolates are to die for... 

Ice creams are to die for....

That awesome torny durians are to die for....

What about.... desiring... Him?

Is it worth dying for? 

Do I really have what it takes to press on in hope for what I believe in? 

Only the test of time and reality would tell. And I believe the trials are not far away. 
It's happening already. 

Gotta pick up the armour and sharpen that sword to be ready for battle (Ephesians 6). 
Perhaps, and hopefully die a hero not just for one day, but for an eternal cause.

"I, I can remember (I remember)

Standing, by the wall (by the wall)

And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)

And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)

And the shame, was on the other side

Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever

Then we could be Heroes, just for one day....."

~David Bowie~

(Covered by Peter Gabriel from the OST of "The Lone Survivor")

Wearing My Heart At My Sleeves

What does it feel like when the heart sticks loosely at the sleeves? Imagine that heart stuck on the sleeves by some cello-tape which holds it on "imprudently". Imagine just more emotions pouring into it. 

Sticking on...

Photo credits  Idiom Kids

It gets heavier, it might just lose its ability to hang on then when it cannot take the weight anymore, it helplessly falls downwards, downwards, downwards. Why is it that when you love, you "fall" in love? Why that vulnerable verb?
It's hard to comprehend the kind of message its trying to convey. Feelings don't come in labels. Maybe that's why I find it quite scary to feel with my heart. Stricken by the thought of trying to pick up a fallen heart. 

Hence I process my feelings with my mind. Someone once said to me, "Mir, stop feeling with your head. How about think with your heart?" A pretty interesting thought.  Then how do you resolve this when it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Uncanny, isn't it? I've resorted to "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." So the word says "guard your heart". Maybe in some ways I guard it like I own it. I don't want anyone to see my secret garden. And I build my fences around it with so many markers that no one gets to come in. Sometimes even the Father. 

Although the heart is unpredictable, the mind cannot process it, I've come to realise that the heart is quite a champ in holding itself together. It is capable of mending itself, self-repair, even after falling into the wrong pits, injuring itself. For some reason, its the "most devoted body part". It climbs itself back up again. It's almost like when you fall and bruise yourself, the old skin peels off, fresh wounds hurt so bad, but a new layer of skin just regenerates by itself and it heals. It's a revelation to me that it's actually ok to open up that fence a little to let that body part explore itself and let it do what it should. Feel. It just knows what to do. Because the Creator has made it perfect. Just how it should be. Just let it be. 

So, Heart, you might appreciate this, "THANK YOU", Heart, for being the most devoted body part. ;) 

Take care of the heart. But don't guard it too hard.

Message From Your Heart

~Kina Grannis~

Don't break me, I bruise easily

The source of both, your love and misery

I am steady, beating endlessly

While you are dozing, dreaming pretty things

I don't work for free

Please take care of me

This is a message from your heart

Your most devoted body part

Taking blood and making art

This is a message from your heart

Pounding away into the dark

You could thank me for a start

This is a message from your heart

Don't hurt me, I bleed constantly

My efforts leave me but flow back swiftly

My rhythm soothing, like raindrops steady

On foggy windows when you gaze outwardly

I don't work for free

Please take care of me

This is a message from your heart

Your most devoted body part

Taking blood and making art

This is a message from your heart

Pounding away into the dark

You could thank me for a start

This is a message from your heart

This is a message from your heart

Every time you sleep

Every time you eat

Every time you laugh

This is a message from your heart

Your most devoted body part

Taking blood and making art

Every time you cry

This is a message from your heart

Pounding away into the dark

You could thank me for a start

Every time you love

This is a message from your heart

This is a message from your heart

This is a message from your heart

Memorable Moments of 2013

Believe it or not, tomorrow's New Year's Eve already!
Before the year ends I believe that 2013 actually deserves at least one blog post! I'm gonna just quickly run through how 2013 was like for me. 

I'll sum it up to 3 memorable moments in 2013 (I was gonna consider going with 13, but.. I just got a little lazy!) And I guess to make it easier, I decided to go along with the 3 words that described 2013 for me which I wrote in a bookmark when I did a personal reflection together with my Cell Members. 


TADDAA.. 





















I'll go with pictures and let it paint the words and I'll also add on with some touch ups and thoughts :) 

FOOTPRINTS

I sang farewell to PwC!

Continuation from the previous blog post, yes I have kept my word and left the market place after 4.5 years! 1 year doing Audit and 3.5 years in Business Research. I will not trade it for anything. The memories are so precious to me.  I really wanted to leave a "FootPrint" behind before I go so I prayed and asked God for an inspiration. Then I had this thought, instead of giving a conventional farewell speech, how about singing them some songs?! Well, I typically don't like being put in the limelight and speaking in front of a crowd is not my thing, but it seems like God tends to inspire me to do crazy things that require me to be in front of crowds. Accks... Anyways, if it's to make His name known.... I'll go for it.... so... I DID IT! My colleagues who were part of the little surprise item were very supportive and I am glad I was crazy enough to do it! I sang "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless and also did a rendition of Dionne Warwick's "That's What Friends Are For" and titled it "I'm Gonna Miss You All". This would definitely be one of the highlights of my entire LIFE. You can watch the recording  here if you like :)  Also wrote a farewell email note that was a little out of this world that caught some of the Partners' attention. HeeHee... it came with a twist from my first ever write-up introducing myself to PwC in June 2008. I actually have it here in one of my very old post . 

Yeah, they pretty much "kicked" me out.

JOY & PEACE

Ze New Work Station

 
 

YES! I've boldly entered into full time ministry!  It's been a steep learning curve for me this year. A totally fresh new beginning, environment, colleagues etc. 

And yes these are my awesomest colleagues in the whole wide world (ok, a bit of an "overkill" but I still biasedly think they are la) ! Many people patted me on the back and wished me "good luck" when they heard the news that I was gonna come in as Pr Lee Choo's PA. Well, guess what, it's been a joyful and peaceful journey! I never regretted my decision and working under PLC is really mind-blowing and very fulfilling. Perhaps not many people would want to be in my shoe but I consider it a huge privilege to be where I am right now! I'm privileged to be given the opportunity to observe and learn from one of the most inspiring woman of God! I remember driving through the highway rushing to her home to pick up an important document and dashed in lighting speed to the airport to pass her the document. In the midst of that drive,  I plucked a smile on my face knowing deep down inside that I am at the right place at the right time in this season of my life. That thought probably came at the oddest moment, but I just knew in my heart, I loved being part of a strangely indescribable bigger picture of what's God doing this season. 

Me & the New Boss 

Another big moment that describes my joy and peace... My privilege to set foot on one of the most beautiful place on earth, God's holy ground, Ba'kelalan. 

Their hospitality was top class and they fed us to the brim
and we ate like there's no tomorrow!

Memory of a lifetime! The spiritual atmosphere in this land is unsurprisingly out of the ordinary. I could feel the chills (well not just because it's up at the mountains)and the presence of God was almost like it's tangible. I remember praying for a friend up in the prayer house. I've never heard God so clearly before, that I knew it was the word for him. I shared it with him and he was deeply ministered to. 

Ibu Maria

Ibu Maria, one of the revivalist prayed for me and gave me a Lun Bawang name, "Ineng", which means "precious daughter". 

We had an unplanned "kebaktian" on our second night there, Pr Dan was asked to share a message to bless the village people. He shared about the passing of the Moses anointing to the Joshua's Generation. During the closing of the session, Pr Dan invited us to pray for the older "Moses Generation" for blessings and also strength despite their advanced age. I felt rather unworthy of doing so but was deeply honoured to do so. Some of the "Ibu-Ibu"s wept tears and I sense their hunger and vulnerability towards God. In return, they also prayed for us. Our team was surrounded by them in a circle. One Ibu who was standing in front of me took a step forward and hugged me tightly, she wept tears on my chest and wailed loudly for quite some time. I don't know how to describe the feeling running through my heart and mind at that point (writing this still gives me the chills like it just happened yesterday), I couldn't help it and I teared as well. Then she started to speak out. I couldn't decipher if she was speaking in Lun Bawang (her native language) or in spiritual tongues. I just knew in my heart that something was taking place. Perhaps a spiritual transaction, a passing on of an anointing. When the service ended, our Guide came to me and spoke with me. He told me something that blew my mind. The lady who was praying for me, she's one of the prophetess who was present during the revival that took place in 1984 and her name is.... "INENG". 
Wow. Just wow. 

STRETCHED

Gearing up towards the 3rd quarter of the year, things got busier and busier. SOLID Assignments start piling up, retreats after retreats, Cell Harvest, the list goes on... 
It's been stretchingggggg..... nonetheless, very fulfilling. 

Silent Retreat @ Bentong

I love this quote.

How I describe SOLID in an acronym ;)

Cell Harvest with people close to my heart! ;)

Just when I thought that I was ready to wind down for the year. God wasn't done with me yet. 3 words were just not enough to describe my 2013. One of the most significant event in my life took place. It all started from this SOLID class....

Pr Chew teaching Expository Preaching.
Preach it like da boss! 

When I signed up for SOLID class, inside of me, I exclaimed.... "oh my gahhh!!" when I saw Expo Preaching (Practical) as one of the classes. I was quite tempted to drop the subject because I wanted to escape public speaking. I'm fearful of speaking in front of a crowd. However, time and time again, it seems that God is challenging me to step out of my comfort zone. I had to preach a 15-minute sermon during staff devotion. I wanted to preach on something that I've personally internalised and the word that God gave me for that season was "A Fresh Vision of Jesus".  The thought that came to me was to look for passages that speaks about blind men. Then I came across Mark 8:22-26 and I knew this was the passage I should preach on. 

Check out my sermon script! Fuuwahh!

It was a lot of effort put in to research and exegete the Word. Phew, I applaud our pastors or generally just any preacher out there who preach expository sermons...it's really a lot of work! 

On 3 December 2013, I preached it to the staff team. Pr Chew heard the message for the first time, he encouraged me on a message well delivered and he felt that this message was for a larger audience. And he got Pr Lee Choo to speak with me and encouraged me to co-preach with her in the main service. My heart almost fell out of the window when Pr Lee Choo gave me a call and extended this opportunity to me. After much thought, I felt that if this was God's word for the season and it's for His people, I should not withhold and I should preach it out. 

So, on 22 December, I delivered my first maiden sermon in the pulpit of SIBKL church together with Pr Lee Choo. 

 

In Bangunan Yin

In SMCC

YES, I DID IT. I still cannot believe it! I felt like a donkey 

(refer to previous post about ASS-es :P) being used by Jesus to preach to thousands. 

It was an eventful year for me. 

So how did the year go for me, I'd say, I've been HUMBLED. 

The year is coming to a close in a few hours' time as I;m typing this out, I'm starting to realise how God's been journeying with me faithfully this year. It is indeed a NEW SEASON and a NEW MOMENTUM...

At the beginning of 2013, Pr Chew's first sermon says, "DON'T STOP NOW!"... and now as I end the year, I believe I shouldn't stop here, I'm gonna live out the FRESH JESUS that Jesus had put inside of me... 

Mark 8:22-26

1. I need to TARRY –  beg him for it! 

2. I need to be TAKEN AWAY – get out of your current condition! 

3. I need to be TOUCHED – by Jesus 

4. I need to TRAVAIL – don’t settle for better! Ask for MORE! Get a FRESH VISION from God!!! 

Sermon Art courtesy of the SIBKL MaC team :) 

OK, I'll make that 4 memorable moments.... fine, I lost count. God's just been way too good to me ;D Looking forward to an even greater year ahead! 2014... here I come!!! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!!