Reordering disorders

I've been challenged a lot to keep up with time and am feeling like as though I'm so far behind from where I thought I should be. Work's been challenging. Still trying to find my way around checking other people's work. At least that's what my job scope requires of me. I've got a weakness. I tend to set expectations on myself but the other side of me thinks that I cannot do it. Often enough I visualise a devil with 2 horns on the left of my head, saying to me, "Yes, it's very hard and not easy. You're right. You're slow. You can't, can't cant." On the other side, I picture an angel with a halo on his head cheering me on saying, "Your confidence is in Christ. You can, can, can!"(*LoL* so yeah, I watched a lot of Looney Tunes when I was a kid.). Although I know which side I should follow, I can't seem to bring my flesh to follow that voice. This confusion in my head has been stressing me up a lot and I've been losing my focus. I feel disorganised, wobbly and shaken. I don't know where to begin with.

Disorder spells stress, and stress is one thing you can designate as the opposite of peace. I get stressed when I don't know how to do something. Or, I'm not sure I know how to do something, which somewhat describes how I feel half of the time at work. As I was spending my devotional time with God today, I was reminded of one of God's characteristics. The Bible says that, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." (1 Corinthians 14:33). Very true. I do realise that I have been rather disorganised at work and figured I had to improve in prioritising what needs to be done first. There's always an order to getting things done efficiently. Order is good.

Indeed, thank God for that simple reminder of Himself. What a pleasure to know that He surely is constantly giving me more information about how to do my job of living at peace.

Ahh......... what a relieve. It'll get better. =)

2 more weeks to go till I finish my first assignment. I'm almost there!!! whooppie doohoo!

The office building in USJ for the past 2 months ++

My nomadic workstation

Poo Ling and I...--we share our laughters, burdens, datelines together.....

Been a while.

Been a while since my last post. No doubt that I cannot stop the clock from ticking but I'd still like to believe that I am in control of time. Well, my own time, at least. Yes, I have been quite occupied. Someone once said that almost more than 70 percent of your lifetime is spent at your workplace. I very well am experiencing the underlying truth behind this statement. Been fully utilizing my weekends with activities -- random walks at the malls alone, meals with friends, jungle trekking with cell mates, Inter-Accounting Firm Games Tennis match for the past few weeks.... to add to that, PwC are the Champions this time!! Whooppiee doo hooo!! Didn't participate in any of the matches (I'm a reserve in the team) but I was a participant in the *ahem* "cheerleading team"! *LoL*... go go PwC!!

Oh, forgot to mention that Papa & Mummy came down to KL about a week ago. It was the first time seeing Mummy ever since I started my job. Mummy looks fantastic! Truly, I can see how God has covered and blessed her so greatly through and through. Parents came down to clean up our new home so that new curtains can go up. The house is almost ready already, just some final touch-ups needed. Went furniture shopping at Harvey Norman's and got all of our beds and white-goods already. I realised that I have been sleeping on hard mattresses all my life and this time, I decided to opt for a softer bed because I felt that I fancied the foamy, bouncy feeling on softer beds and I liked the feeling of snuggling in like a cocoon under my comforter..HEhh! Oh yeah, gotta say I love the new Fridge, too! Shall take a photo of it and post it up just for kicks when it arrives within a month's time. It won't be too long before I move into this new home, I hope! That will mark another chapter of new beginnings for me and the whole family when everyone's ready to move in.

On a side note, how did the last weekend go? It turned out to be one that I had more time to myself. Had the itch to get out of the house and that got me wishing that Brisbane river were still a stone's throw away so that I could just put on my sports gear, strap on my ipod and go for a joy run.... (or rather, walk.. *LoL*.). Been fed enough with horrendous news about women being raped or even losing their lives going around KL neighbourhoods unaccompanied had sorta instilled phobia in me, so I felt that it's not the wisest thing to do. I got pretty fidgety at home that I even wished that my dumbbells were lying around here so that I could do some reps to pump up the adrenaline in me a bit. Sadly, I ended up bumming on my bed snooping around Facebook photos for cheap thrills. Talk about being ultimately unproductive. =__=

Aiks, I forgot I could have rang Mal up to arrange for a meet-up.. GAhH!!... **

More exciting days to come... heh.

Another day...

Am I at a point of no improvement? I try to move forward but I can't seem feel like there's any movement. It's like a car with its wheel stuck in the mud, I feel. I can imagine myself grabbing my head and screaming out loud..."What's wrong with me? Ah, stop thinking of the impossibilities!" Frustrated, disappointed and tired, I wonder, can I make it through this?
All I feel is condemnation. I only hear, " I can't, I can't, I can't."

Yes, perhaps you are right. I can't, but I know Jesus can.

I am small, I am limited. I am searching for that confidence that I have misplaced. Let me sweep up all my insufficiencies and place it at His feet.
Reaching the finishing line will be worth it because that's when I'll know, I couldn't have done it without Him.


"I can do everything through him who gives me strength. "- Phil 4:13

Desperation

Had a massive headache towards evening time at work, texted my prayer partner and got her to pray against the migraine. Went off and played a few strokes of tennis for Inter-Accounting Firm Games. Contemplated excusing myself from cheering for the team but when the Executive Director, Managing Director and a few Partners of the firm showed up towards the end of the match, looks like I was meant to stay. "Unity," He whispered. It rained and the final match was put on hold. We resumed the match indoors. The victory of the last stroke was sweet and we beat the defending champions by straight sets.

It was almost 10.00pm. "Should I go?" I thought. The headache was slowing subsiding. I knew that someone must be praying for me. "Unity -- you are not excluded," He whispered. I bade my goodbyes to my mates and dashed off. Every traffic lights turned green as I passed, as if He was saying, "Make way!". 10.15pm, I arrived. 30 minutes of standing in unison with the church for the nation, is more than enough. Desperation. Just a glimpse of you, that's all I need. I am in this. I am part of the desperate people.

"Desperate People"

You cross the great divide, You took our place
You offered up Your life, for we have failed
The veil was torn and love remained
You are holy Lord

Distraction costs us, how we seek Your face
We offer up our lives to bring You praise
A love the walls cannot contain
You are holy Lord

We're rising up in spirit and in truth
A living sacrifice we worship You
People undivided Lord hear us sing
We are Yours and You are our King

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

We didn't come to leave here entertained
Or worship under any other name
We're crying out for You alone
You are holy Lord

We're rising up in spirit and in truth
A living sacrifice we worship You
People undivided Lord hear us sing
We are Yours and You are our king

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

Show us the way to Your heart

We found our voice
We found our cause
We're on our knees, the carpet's worn
We join our hearts
With distant shores sing to You Lord

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase your heart
We chase your heart



National Evangelical Christian Fellowship (NECF) 40 days of fasting and praying.
Starts today.
Fight like a man, get on your knees and pray.

I need You now.

"I've dug up miles and miles of sand
Searching for something I can't see
And I've just got bruised and battered hands
And a brand new void inside of me
Complete with walls I did create
From all the earth that I've displaced
A mess that I have made from what
I've just let pile and pile up
I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You're the only thing I want
Cause you're everything, everything I need

Explore the cave that is my chest
A torch reveals there's nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out "someone, someone please!"
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back

I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You're the only thing I want
Cause you're everything, everything I need

When my hopes seem to dangle
Somewhere just beyond my reach
You say you've heard my prayers
And read my words there on repeat

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You're the only thing I want
Cause you're everything, everything I need".


Just a little something echoing my mind.

I wish I knew

I wish I knew...
I wish I could catch up a little faster...
If I knew, I wouldn't fear so much...
If only I knew how to fight this battlefield in my mind...

hear me out.
help.

What I have been up to...

Hehe.. thought I should break the dry-spell on my blog.

I've got a lot to share but at the moment, I can't spill it out in words, probably because it's already 2.00am in the morning.
Just a little update on what's been going on...

....I have settled in a church.

....auditing one of the largest companies in Malaysia now. I get home at about 10pm almost every night.

....going for missions trip at Pekan, Pahang to provide English lessons to the "Orang Asli"s (lit, "original peoples" or "aboriginal peoples" in Malay) kids. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning and will be back on Sunday night. (shall blog more on this when I have the time. Watch out for the post!)

wookays, that's about it for now.
I'm off to bed. Getting up early to pack for the trip.

Pray for the spirit to empower me. Good night.