Reluctance that went both ways..

Have you ever had that experience when you're given an opportunity and yet you are constantly trying push the responsibility away?
I don't fancy that feeling at all. Having a heart unprepared and especially reluctance as my biggest excuse.
Just when I reluctantly take up the responsibility, things happened at work that I became so uptight and emotional about everything that's happening and then now, because on realistic terms, I really can't do it anymore, ironically, I had to 'reluctantly' give the responsibility away to someone else. I was almost in tears when I called the person to take over. How embarrassing.

I don't know whether He decided to take the responsibility off me because I was reluctant. I don't like the feeling of giving other last minute notice or taking over something that I was called to take charge of. I realise that I tend to take matters into my own hands. It's a situation that I always trap myself in. I don't think I should even think too much over it anymore. But I am still writing about this.
Sometimes I blog because I do it as a sense of release, pretending that I am talking to someone. And sometimes even imagining that God is standing somewhere listening to what I am saying about how I feel.

And... side note, I broke my workstation's locker key. The inner part of the key is stuck in the workstation. My manager spotted the other half of it on the floor.
Not sure how that happened because I don't remember hitting against it. Maybe someone's chair hit against it and it broke. The not-so-good part is that I remembered that the facilities guy, Muz, did warn me beforehand that this is the last key available for this workstation as the previous temp staff who was sitting at my place before that did not return the extra key.
Hence, if I lose it (in this manner, damaged it..) that'll be RM50 penalty for that! rawr. ;(

My RM50 workstation key.... putus. ;(((

Yeah it was a rather crapperdoodledoo day for me. Honestly nothing to do with work deadlines, I guess I am just not all that proud of myself not knowing why I am upset --whether I'm being upset with myself (maybe partly) or just the situation itself.
It's an uncomfortable feeling when you know that the situation is out of your control.
That I cannot do anything to change the situation.

Actually, something is in my control, how I deal with my emotions.
I need to let go and let God.
And PMS should not be a valid excuse at all.
I always bring myself to re-read this blogpost (thanks to Jos for linking this to her blog some time back!) when PMS seems to be the most rational excuse in my own understanding.

This is my prayer for the week........................
help me hang on to you dear Father..

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.