The Thief

Your eyes are full

Full of the future of us

The air changes as you look across

At me in that wondering way

It is as if

I knew you before we spoke

Do our hearts know something we don't?

Conspiring, converging without giving us any say

You, sing me to sleep

Talk down my walls

Look through my windows as I wait

You could be the thief

I give the key to

You're ruining me

With secrets and gestures and looks

With sonnets from second-hand books

Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play

It fits in your hand like water in rain

It unlocks our two different selves

And shows we are the same

Rather than wait `til I put me out for the taking

You're breaking

You're breaking

You're breaking into my heart

And I'm letting you

By Brooke Fraser, "Albertine", 2006.

Worthy of Admiration

Had a rather sweet encounter with two adorable little girls, Jerusha & Joanna in Steps to Freedom class when I was assisting as a facilitator in one of the groups. Their mother was in my group so they were hanging around in the Sanctuary, keeping themselves occupied while group discussions were going on.

And here's what I got from them on the last day of Steps class....

 

Joanna was trying to draw me! She thinks I am a queen! Awww... 

Jerusha gave me this note during the last hour of the class...

Jerusha (left) & Joanna (right)

I actually wasn't aware that they were both observing me from afar. What a sweet, sweet encounter. In my space of insecurity, God used this experience to remind me that I am "Worthy of Admiration". I don't mean to be narcissistic in any way. At the point when I needed encouragement the most, it came at the right time. And that is the meaning of my name. 

So here's what I got them in return a few weeks later. 

A memory worth remembering. ;)

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (But I Will.)

Been wondering much about miracle God-moments and sometimes I tend to feel that He leaves me out because I'm a "grown-up Christian" and I don't need miracle moments to be reminded of what He's capable of.

I recently dropped a white gold bracelet mum got me for my birthday. I noticed that it was gone probably more than 12 hours later. I was beating myself up for being careless. So the only natural course of action was to retrace my steps. I remembered going on a jog around the neighbourhood the day before (nooooo.. This is bad!)... After coming home from a lunch appointment, I was desperate. I took a walk around the neighbourhood at 2pm under the drizzle... I walked along the trail that rings so much familiarity. I had many meaningful conversations with God with my earphones plugged in almost every week jogging on this same trail. 

This time, I had nothing... I walked under the rain empty handed. Without music blasting in my eardrums, the journey seemed more silent than ever. I said my familiar "hello" to the God who always accompany me on the trail, again. I muttered my disbelief to Him that I don't think I'll locate the bracelet because I've lost it for more than 12 hours. Then I heard Him saying to me, "You will not lose what's yours, trust me, it's somewhere close to you." Still in disbelief I wrestled and insisted on taking a second chance around the neighbourhood under the rain. Again. (Seriously, when we're desperate, we'd do anything, eh?) And found nothing. Sigh. Disappointed but not surprised, I went home... Trying to find my trust in the voice I heard, I went searching around places close to me -- my handbag, bedside, sofa, dustbin. Nothing. I finally gave in to Him, and said... "I give up, I surrender, I'm going to stop looking. If I find it, it had to be You. And I promise I'll talk about it!" I walked up the stairs to head to the shower to clean up my drenched self and crafting my speech in my head on how to break the news to mum that I lost it. As I walked up the stairs, my eyes spotted the bracelet immediately after I said those words of surrender. See it right there in this pic? 

Yep, I left my laptop backpack next to the stairs because some construction was taking place in my bathroom. I sat on the floor staring at it for a good few seconds and I bawled my eyes out because I knew God had a deeper message for me. Something made some sense. So this is what it feels like when you "reunite" with something precious to you. Perhaps this was how He felt when He reunited with the prodigal daughter that was once lost (e.g. Yours truly?).

"A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." -Proverbs 16:9 

In the midst of searching and waiting on God, He directs. I may plan my ways to figure out where, what, who and how, but it is He who directs me to find it. He knows. He leads. I follow. I go. I find. He knew I needed a miracle moment.

Is there something you're searching and waiting on? Sometimes, it's not a bad idea to lose control. Give up to Him, surrender, stop your navigating. He's the pilot, co-pilot with Him. He knows better and He'll lead the way. He's got it all mapped out already. Let go, and let God. The road leads home. For me, it did, literally. It's probably somewhere not too far away. You might find it at the most unexpected places. Just let Him lead you there.   

"Say thank you in advance for what is already yours ... True desire in the heart for anything good is God's proof to you sent beforehand that it's already yours ... When you get it, reach back, pull someone else up." - Denzel Washington

Help me in my unbelief. 
I still haven't found what I'm looking for.... 
But it's ok. I know He's directing my steps there.
I want to believe.

Thank You in advance.

(I promised I'd talk about it, so there, Glory To You, Big Man! You Win!:D)

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you.

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her finger tips
It burned like fire
(I was) burning inside her.

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one.
But yes, I'm still running.

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Oh my shame, you know I believe it.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

By U2 from the album 

"The Joshua Tree"

Banner

Photo taken from fanpop.com

A white banner....can mean many things. 
A sign of surrender
A sign symbolising peace
A change in one's life
A strength and a certainty that no one can shake
A soul intact in the midst of chaos
Standing for something one believes in
Not living by someone else's opinion

"Banner"
By Lights

Maybe it's bricks and mortar now

Whether or not they run it down

I don't want anything to shake that shape away

No one told us which way to come

Nobody mapped oblivion

So I go growing roses in the disarray

Just like most

Falling head in

'Til my ghost

Fills the bed in

So lift it up

Like a banner

Hold it up

Over me

If this war 

Is never ending

I'll take this love

Down with me

Down with me

I don't need fate to give it time

It doesn't take pain to change your mind

No weapon can sever the soul from me

Not the sorceress

Not the money

All my cleverness

All my cunning

So lift it up

Like a banner

Hold it up

Over me

If this war

Is never ending

I'll take this love

Down with me

Down with me

It's around me in my surroundings

It's counts me when it starts the counting

In the chaos, there is a standard

I'm carrying it

----------------------------------------------------

Psalms 20 (The Message)

God answer you on the day you crash,

The name God-of-Jacob put you out of harm’s reach,

Send reinforcements from Holy Hill,

Dispatch from Zion fresh supplies,

Exclaim over your offerings,

Celebrate your sacrifices,

Give you what your heart desires,

Accomplish your plans.

When you win, we plan to raise the roof

and lead the parade with our banners.

May all your wishes come true!

That clinches it—help’s coming,

an answer’s on the way,

everything’s going to work out.

----------------------------------------------------

Holding on to the white banner of love that God gives me in the 
midst of these uncertain times. 
An answer is on the way.

Love Is A Verb

Recently I did a strength finder test and interestingly  I scored a full-blown score where all five of my strengths fall under the "Relationship" quadrant. So it claims to say that "Relationships / People" matter very highly to me. Looking through my strength analysis, I couldn't help but ask myself if I was a people-pleaser or because I truly "love" them. 

How do you sincerely love? God says in His word that He commands for us to love. But if love is some kind of emotion, can it be commanded? Can one command someone to stop being sad, angry? Surely not. If we are merely actors, yes perhaps you can pretend and "act" the emotion out. How does one give something that they don't have? 

The most comprehensive description of love is found in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13. It speaks of the practical side of "agape" love. It is the kind of love shown in response to what life throws at you, be it challenges, disappointments, heartbreaks, discouragement etc. The passage doesn't speak of what love really is, but upon what love does and what it does not do. When I think of "doing", I think of a tangible action, something one can see, at least with the physical eye. Like an action. Maybe that's why some say love is not just a noun, it is a verb. It's more than sentimental, like most 21st century songs suggest. So if love is a verb, what sort of "action" is it really talking about? Is it about getting flowers for your loved one on every important occasion, making sure the trash is thrown out every night, the kids are picked up from school on time, remember to call her every end of the night before you sleep, etc? Maybe, maybe not. 

In God's terms, the weight of the verb that holds the word "love" is so much more than that. It is not just merely a verb that reaches out towards how you make others feel. It is a verb that reaches out to ourselves first. A verb that works inside of us. God's kind of love describes a character that is out of this world.  

All these "love is a verb", have I got it wrong all this while? Have I been allowing the "verb in love" work inside of me? The verb that is unseen within me yet silently works in action? 

It says Love...

...never gives up (suffers long and is kind) 

...cares more for others than for self (does not envy)

...doesn’t want what it doesn’t have(parade itself)

...doesn’t strut (is not puffed up)

...doesn’t have a swelled head (not puffed up)

...doesn’t force itself on others (does not behave rudely)

...isn’t always “me first,”(does not seek its own)

...doesn’t fly off the handle (is not provoked)

...doesn’t keep score of the sins of others (thinks no evil)

...doesn’t revel when others grovel (does not rejoice in iniquity)

...takes pleasure in the flowering of truth (but rejoices in the truth)

...puts up with anything (bears all things)

...trusts God always (believes all things)

...always looks for the best (hopes all things)

...never looks back 

...but keeps going to the end (endures all things...tenacity to keep believing and going) 

1 Corinthians 13 (The Message / NKJV emphasis added)

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

Love is almost like a verb that goes against human nature. It is like dying to ourselves. In fact, when we associate love with "death", love can even be a painful, hurtful one. Precisely what we saw when Jesus bore it all on the cross. 

How's the verb coming out of me making you feel lately? Love is not a thing. You can't really see it. Love is not something I own. I can't give what I don't have. I need the source of love to reach out to me and fill me daily. Let not my love for you be something I just scream because you don't need my words to know. Let Love be a verb that works in me and what comes out of me makes you feel loved. 

So when I say "I love you", sometimes you may or may not see it, 
but more importantly I hope you feel it more.

Surely, Love is a unique kind of verb. 

"Love Is A Verb"

Love is a verb

It ain't a thing

It's not something you own

It's not something you scream

When you show me love

I don't need your words

Yeah love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

Love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

Love ain't a crutch

It ain't an excuse

No you can't get through love

On just a pile of IOUS

Love ain't a drug

Despite what you've heard

Yeah love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

Love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

So you gotta show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

That love is a verb

Yeah you gotta show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

Show, show, show me

That love is a verb

Love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

John Mayer, Love is a Verb, 
from his album "Born and Raised"

A Bed of Roses

The saying says, "Life is not a bed of roses".

Perhaps.... Maybe because of the thorns around them. It hurts. The roses get overshadowed by our seas of pains. However, when you take a couple of steps backwards, the roses are actually more prominent than the thorns. The thorns are probably just a fraction of it (or even lesser!). Only God can make life's roses beautiful. We can only water it. Perhaps sometimes even with our tears.

Thus says the Lord : “A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.” Thus says the Lord : “Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord, and they shall come back from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future, declares the Lord, and your children shall come back to their own country. I have heard Ephraim grieving, ‘You have disciplined me, and I was disciplined, like an untrained calf; bring me back that I may be restored, for you are the Lord my God. For after I had turned away, I relented, and after I was instructed, I struck my thigh; I was ashamed, and I was confounded, because I bore the disgrace of my youth.’ Is Ephraim my dear son? Is he my darling child? For as often as I speak against him, I do remember him still. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, declares the Lord. ~Jeremiah 31:15-20

A timely reminder...

I'd rather lie in a bed of roses and let the fragrance remind me of God's eternal love for me. 

Give me that 999 roses. 

I don't mind the thorns.

So you know what, I agree to disagree...

Life IS a Bed of Roses. 

 “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” ~ Hebrews 13:6 

To Die For?

I've been going to the movies a little more often than I used to. The most recent one that goes into the list of movies watched is "The Lone Survivor". A pretty intense yet heart-wrenching movie based on a true story about a group of Navy SEAL who participated in the Operation Red Wings in Afghanistan.

Here's an excerpt of what the movie's about: 

"The movie is based on the Marcus Luttrell book by the same name.  It examines how four SEALs -- Luttrell, Mike Murphy, Danny Dietz, and Matt Axelson -- were dropped onto an Afghanistan mountain on a reconnaissance mission, in 2005, to determine if a major Taliban leader, who had killed many American troops, was in a particular village.  Unfortunately, an elderly goat herder, a teenage boy, and a child came upon them, compromising the mission.  The fatal decision was made to release the Afghanis who notified the Taliban of the SEAL presence.  A furious firefight ensued, killing three SEALs, and another sixteen special forces operatives died in a helicopter crash while attempting a rescue mission.  Luttrell, the "lone survivor," was rescued by a Pashto village chief who provided him safety from the Taliban and medical aid for his major wounds, and sent a messenger to notify the American military."

Source: The American Thinker 

After watching the movie, I got onto the internet and looked up the background of this movie and found some short interviews with the real "Lone Survivor", Marcus Luttrell. I was particularly astounded by this one. 




Interviewer: “One of the emotions that I felt, while watching the film is first of all the hopelessness of the situation — how horrific it was and also just all that loss of life of these brave American men.."

Luttrell: "I don’t know what part of the film you were watching, but hopelessness really never came into it....I mean, where did you see that? Because there was never a point where we just felt like we were hopelessly lost or anything like that. We never gave up. We never felt like we were losing until we were actually dead....We spend our whole lives training to defend this country and then we were sent over there by this country — so you’re telling me because we were over there doing what we were told by our country that it was senseless? And my guys — what? They died for nothing?"

Wow. That came back pretty hard. But that stirred me to think. The tagline of the movie says it, "based on true act of courage".  These men trained all their lives believing in their calling to serve their nation. They fought with courage and were willing to give up their lives for what they believed they were called for. Hopelessness was not even in the radar at all. They were focused. They had a mindset that they fought from victory's side. They never lost till they were dead. If they died, they'd rather die in the battlefield. They'd rather die doing what they were called to do. 

Luttrell's response got me really thinking.  Am I willing to die for "my calling"? The fact that sometimes I carelessly recite this to myself, "To Live is Christ, to Die is Gain". Hang on, isn't this line quite... "senseless"? I believe these men probably understood their mandate in life no matter how "senseless" it was to a normal person, they lived for it and died for it. What about me? Do I see hopelessness around me or am I willing to strive in hope until I really die for "something"? 

We often describe some things that are so desirable and good as something "to die for". 

Chocolates are to die for... 

Ice creams are to die for....

That awesome torny durians are to die for....

What about.... desiring... Him?

Is it worth dying for? 

Do I really have what it takes to press on in hope for what I believe in? 

Only the test of time and reality would tell. And I believe the trials are not far away. 
It's happening already. 

Gotta pick up the armour and sharpen that sword to be ready for battle (Ephesians 6). 
Perhaps, and hopefully die a hero not just for one day, but for an eternal cause.

"I, I can remember (I remember)

Standing, by the wall (by the wall)

And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)

And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)

And the shame, was on the other side

Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever

Then we could be Heroes, just for one day....."

~David Bowie~

(Covered by Peter Gabriel from the OST of "The Lone Survivor")