Sitting on a fence - Pit stop.

I recently remembered about my first blog post talking about my life taking a huge leap when I returned to Malaysia. I think I am currently going through the phase where God is leading me into the second chapter. Looks like the "storm" is taking its toll on me again. I've been thinking a lot about the things that God's been laying in my heart. My hands are pretty much "itchi-fied" to get started with this group of people that I am intending to serve. But yet, I've got mixed emotions swimming within me. I think I am falling into that trap of doubting and I feel like as though I have got a wall right in front of me, blocking my view. I know there's light at the end of the tunnel but I can't see it from here and I wish I could see it now. I don't know how I ended up at where I am today. I'm stuck in a moment of uncertainty. I need a breather. I didn't think I'd feel the way I do now. I feel rather self-centered feeling that no one appreciates the kind of pressure that I am facing. Maybe I think that I am in such an exceptional situation that very few really could. I'm emotionally spent. I think I'm at the wrong place at the wrong time. If I am wrong, please someone tell me so.

I'm reciting in my mind that my Creator is not at all surprised at where I am. The excellent marksman does not waste his ammunation. He waits for the right opportunity and then sends his arrow flying at the precise moment for the maximum effect. I want to believe that He's doing exactly that with me right now. I've just got some polishing up for Him to do before He sends me for the right assignment - to send me soaring. Really, if only a miracle could happen. If only I could wake up the next morning, knowing that the time of waiting is over. Gah, I don't know how long am I going to take to understand the existence of time. This is hard but really, I don't want to be one who professes my trust in God and yet feel like everything depends on me. I am tempted to throw in a quick worldly fix to this situation but I would probably be interfering in a God-willed provision.

I am raising the white flag in this situation now. My bum hurts like crazy sitting on this sharp fence. I know eventually I will be calling it quits for this, but in the mean time, I gotta get through this victoriously. Gotta finish this well. Time to pick up my feet and do the balancing act with You again. And I'll be getting closer towards the end, sooner than expected. I'm closing my eyes now. I'm sinking, help me - You balance my feet (Matthew 14:30-32).


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who actually is in the arena... , who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of great achievement , and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory or defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt.

Oh yeah, Happy Lunar New Year 2009 to everyone! :)

The reunion with my small humble family....